Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Heart

Tina Turner’s Wildest Dreams Reissued Because You Clearly Didn’t Buy Enough Copies the First Time Around and Now You Need to Spend More Money on the Same Songs You Already Know by Heart for the 30th Time
Breaking, Music News

Tina Turner’s Wildest Dreams Reissued Because You Clearly Didn’t Buy Enough Copies the First Time Around and Now You Need to Spend More Money on the Same Songs You Already Know by Heart for the 30th Time

Chord F. DiscordApril 2, 2026April 2, 2026

Tina Turner’s Wildest Dreams is being reissued for its 30th anniversary, because who doesn’t love a good throwback 🎉? The…

Conan The Barbarian Somehow Manages to Wreck Stuff Again in Yet Another DLC That Will Probably Sell Anyway Jotunnslayer Hordes of Hel Because Who Needs Originality
The Epic Return of Conan The Barbarian: Because You Clearly Didn't Have Enough Beefcake in Your Life 🤣
Breaking, Games News

Conan The Barbarian Somehow Manages to Wreck Stuff Again in Yet Another DLC That Will Probably Sell Anyway Jotunnslayer Hordes of Hel Because Who Needs Originality

Pixel P. SnarkbyteApril 2, 2026April 2, 2026

The developers behind Jotunnslayer: Hordes of Hel have announced a DLC that brings the one and only Conan The Barbarian…

Cyberpunk Edgerunners Fans Get Ready to Waste Even More of Their Lives on a Board Game Based on a Show About Wasting Your Life in a Dystopian Future
Breaking News: Cyberpunk Edgerunners Fans Rejoice! A New Board Game is Coming to Ruin Your Social Life 🎉👀
Breaking, Games News

Cyberpunk Edgerunners Fans Get Ready to Waste Even More of Their Lives on a Board Game Based on a Show About Wasting Your Life in a Dystopian Future

Pixel P. SnarkbyteApril 2, 2026April 2, 2026

After the astronomical success of Cyberpunk: Edgerunners, because who doesn’t love a good anime about edgy teens with cybernetic enhancements…

UDO DIRKSCHNEIDER Literally Begs You to Film His Entire Show on Your Phone So He Can Finally Get Some Decent Footage for His Next Concert DVD
Breaking, Music News

UDO DIRKSCHNEIDER Literally Begs You to Film His Entire Show on Your Phone So He Can Finally Get Some Decent Footage for His Next Concert DVD

Chord F. DiscordApril 1, 2026April 1, 2026

Oh joy, oh rapture! The metal gods have spoken, and they’re sick of your phone-taking, video-recording, utterly-absent-from-the-moment nonsense 🤦‍♂️! In…

Warlock Build Guide Because You Clearly Need Help with Your Crappy D2R Items and Gear Choices
Breaking, Games News

Warlock Build Guide Because You Clearly Need Help with Your Crappy D2R Items and Gear Choices

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 31, 2026March 31, 2026

So, you want to be a cool Warlock in Diablo II: Resurrected, huh? 🤔 Well, buckle up, buttercup, because this…

Lazy TSA workers finally get paid to do their job
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Lazy TSA workers finally get paid to do their job

Big ElephantMarch 30, 2026March 30, 2026

Oh boy, are the fake news outlets at it again, trying to take down our great President Donald Trump with…

U.D.O. Finally Emerges From Retirement Home To Announce New Album That Will Definitely Not Give You A Midlife Crisis In Early 2027 Because Who Needs Timely Releases Anyway
Breaking, Music News

U.D.O. Finally Emerges From Retirement Home To Announce New Album That Will Definitely Not Give You A Midlife Crisis In Early 2027 Because Who Needs Timely Releases Anyway

Chord F. DiscordMarch 30, 2026March 30, 2026

In a shocking turn of events, the one and only Udo Dirkschneider, the former ACCEPT and current U.D.O. and DIRKSCHNEIDER…

KREATOR Made a Music Video For ‘Loyal To The Grave’ and It’s Totally Not a Desperate Cry For Relevance Inspired by a 28-Year-Old Movie
Breaking, Music News

KREATOR Made a Music Video For ‘Loyal To The Grave’ and It’s Totally Not a Desperate Cry For Relevance Inspired by a 28-Year-Old Movie

Chord F. DiscordMarch 30, 2026March 30, 2026

Get ready for some face-melting, ear-shredding, and soul-crushing metal music, because the German/Finnish/French thrash metal legends KREATOR have just dropped…

Xbox Partner Preview 2026: We Found the Lost Footage of Gaming’s Greatest Conspiracy Theory!
Hold onto your controllers, folks, because Xbox just dropped the Xbox Partner Preview 2026, and it's wilder than a loot box drop rate!
Breaking, Games News

Xbox Partner Preview 2026: We Found the Lost Footage of Gaming’s Greatest Conspiracy Theory!

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 27, 2026March 27, 2026

Three days ago, Xbox announced its upcoming March 2026 Xbox Partner Preview, and today, it finally graced our screens like…

S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 2 Finally Gets an Expansion Because the Devs Were Clearly Bored
Breaking, Games News

S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 2 Finally Gets an Expansion Because the Devs Were Clearly Bored

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 26, 2026March 26, 2026

Attention, Stalkers! Your radiation poisoning isn’t done with you yet ☢️ The boys and girls at GSC Game World have…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 16 17 18 19 Next

Latest posts

  • White House Ballroom Construction Gets Reprieve Because Priorities
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Donald J Trump brings home Kevin Rideout after ten months
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Donald J Trump blasts Tucker Carlson and allies as losers
  • Billionaire Buys Sports Teams Because He Clearly Needs More Toys
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald Trump posts on Truth Social August 22 2026

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
August 2026
S M T W T F S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  
« Jul    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.