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Tag: HELP

Erika Kirk’s Crystal Ball: Predicting Vance’s 2028 Destiny with Turning Point’s ‘Help’
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Erika Kirk’s Crystal Ball: Predicting Vance’s 2028 Destiny with Turning Point’s ‘Help’

Big ElephantNovember 25, 2025November 25, 2025

Turning Point USA is already gearing up for 2028? Can you believe it? After the tragic assassination of patriot Charlie…

GUNS N’ ROSES Announces 2026 World Tour; Two New Songs To Arrive In Early December (Maybe, If Axl Remembers)
Events, Music News

GUNS N’ ROSES Announces 2026 World Tour; Two New Songs To Arrive In Early December (Maybe, If Axl Remembers)

Chord F. DiscordNovember 24, 2025November 24, 2025

OMG! 😱 Did anyone REALLY ask for this? GUNS N’ ROSES, those geriatric rockers, are apparently still touring in 2026.…

Events

Pssst! Wanna See Illegal Stuff? Sunday Nov 23rd, 8pm

Chuck B. BallsyNovember 23, 2025

OMG! 😱 Museum is unearthing BANNED stuff! 🚫 Bugs Bunny & Dr. Seuss? Cancelled! 😭 16mm films & antiques on…

#GivingTuesday: Guilt-Trip Your Wallet for Likes
Events

#GivingTuesday: Guilt-Trip Your Wallet for Likes

Chuck B. BallsyNovember 23, 2025

OMG! Urban Triage’s “Wicked: A Night of Celebration, Community & Impact” on November 23, 2025, at 6 PM. 🙄 Prepare…

Fortnite Zero Hour Leak: Prepare for the Lamest Finale Ever
Breaking, Games News

Fortnite Zero Hour Leak: Prepare for the Lamest Finale Ever

Pixel P. SnarkbyteNovember 21, 2025November 21, 2025

Oh. My. God. 😱 Is Fortnite Chapter 6 FINALLY ending? Like, seriously, after all this time? They’re calling it “Zero…

Eclipse Glow Games Vomits New “Tides Of Annihilation” Trailer During Xbox Partner Preview (We’re So Sorry)
Breaking, Games News

Eclipse Glow Games Vomits New “Tides Of Annihilation” Trailer During Xbox Partner Preview (We’re So Sorry)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteNovember 21, 2025November 21, 2025

Alright gamers, buckle up because Eclipse Glow Games, in their infinite wisdom (or lack thereof), has dropped another trailer for…

Vampire Crawlers: Yet Another Poncle Game Announced (Yawn) at the Xbox Partner Preview
Breaking, Games News

Vampire Crawlers: Yet Another Poncle Game Announced (Yawn) at the Xbox Partner Preview

Pixel P. SnarkbyteNovember 20, 2025November 20, 2025

Okay, so Poncle, the geniuses 🤡 behind the *totally* original game Vampire Survivors (which definitely didn’t borrow from anything else…

Trump’s master plan: Ukraine gives up land, army becomes a mime troupe
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s master plan: Ukraine gives up land, army becomes a mime troupe

Big ElephantNovember 20, 2025November 20, 2025

Another day, another attempt by the Fake News CNN to undermine our glorious President Trump! They’re peddling a “peace plan”…

Ulver Just Dropped a ‘Neverland’ Album and a Single Called ‘Weeping Stone’ – Prepare for Maximum Existential Dread
Breaking, Music News

Ulver Just Dropped a ‘Neverland’ Album and a Single Called ‘Weeping Stone’ – Prepare for Maximum Existential Dread

Chord F. DiscordNovember 20, 2025November 20, 2025

ULVER, those lovable trolls from Norway 🇳🇴, are gracing us with “Weeping Stone”, a single so profound it’ll make you…

Billy Corgan Thinks Smashing Pumpkins Opera Won’t Be Total Trainwreck
Breaking, Music News

Billy Corgan Thinks Smashing Pumpkins Opera Won’t Be Total Trainwreck

Chord F. DiscordNovember 19, 2025November 19, 2025

So, BILLY CORGAN, the dude who thinks wrestling is a legitimate sport, has decided his music is high art.🤡 He’s…

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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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