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The Last Caretaker Early Access Preview — Still Loading
Breaking, Games News

The Last Caretaker Early Access Preview — Still Loading

Pixel P. SnarkbyteNovember 4, 2025November 4, 2025

Okay, so I stumbled upon The Last Caretaker, and let me tell you, I had *expectations*. Trailers had me thinking…

PUDDLE OF MUDD Dumps New Single ‘Monsters,’ Proving They Still Exist
Breaking, Music News

PUDDLE OF MUDD Dumps New Single ‘Monsters,’ Proving They Still Exist

Chord F. DiscordNovember 4, 2025November 4, 2025

Behold, peasants! PUDDLE OF MUDD, those titans of… well, *something*, have unleashed their latest auditory assault upon the world: a…

Riftbound: Yet ANOTHER Card Game Attempts to Steal Your Money Today
Breaking, Games News

Riftbound: Yet ANOTHER Card Game Attempts to Steal Your Money Today

Pixel P. SnarkbyteNovember 3, 2025November 3, 2025

Okay, gamers, gather ’round because Riot Games, bless their hearts 🙄, decided to yank us all back to the Stone…

Trump, Savior of ‘Dilbert,’ Declares ‘I’m On It,’ Because Cartoonists are People Too, Maybe
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump, Savior of ‘Dilbert,’ Declares ‘I’m On It,’ Because Cartoonists are People Too, Maybe

Big ElephantNovember 2, 2025November 2, 2025

Another day, another example of President Trump MAGA-ing his way through the swamp! This time, he’s stepping in to help…

KORN Guitarist BRIAN ‘HEAD’ WELCH Drops Truth Bomb: Religion, Still Messing Things Up After All These Years, Who Knew
Breaking, Music News

KORN Guitarist BRIAN ‘HEAD’ WELCH Drops Truth Bomb: Religion, Still Messing Things Up After All These Years, Who Knew

Chord F. DiscordNovember 2, 2025November 2, 2025

Brian “Head” Welch, the dude who bailed on KORN in ’05 ’cause he found Jesus (or maybe Jesus found his…

Fetterman Roasts Dem Shutdown Strategy: ‘It’s Embarrassing, Honestly,’ Says Guy Who Wears Shorts All the Time
Elephant Reads CNN

Fetterman Roasts Dem Shutdown Strategy: ‘It’s Embarrassing, Honestly,’ Says Guy Who Wears Shorts All the Time

Big ElephantNovember 2, 2025November 2, 2025

Crooked Cuomo, still clinging to relevance, is now shilling for some nobody Dem in the New York mayoral race! You…

Immigration Judge Shows Mercy on Chicago Dad Whose Kid Has the Big C
Elephant Reads CNN

Immigration Judge Shows Mercy on Chicago Dad Whose Kid Has the Big C

Big ElephantOctober 30, 2025October 30, 2025

Another sob story from the liberal media! They parade this poor illegal immigrant around because his daughter has cancer. And…

Rare Earth Minerals: Shiny Rocks Trump’s Obsessed With (and China Has)
Elephant Reads CNN

Rare Earth Minerals: Shiny Rocks Trump’s Obsessed With (and China Has)

Big ElephantOctober 30, 2025October 30, 2025

Another brilliant move by President Trump! He’s making deals and draining the swamp, one rare-earth mineral at a time! The…

Trump’s Genuflection to Xi So Massive It’s Practically a Communist Manifesto
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Genuflection to Xi So Massive It’s Practically a Communist Manifesto

Big ElephantOctober 30, 2025October 30, 2025

Another brilliant masterstroke from our President Trump! He’s playing 4D chess while the lib snowflakes are still trying to figure…

Animal Crossing: New Horizons Gets Another Useless Update and a Switch 2 (LOL JK) on Jan 15
Breaking, Games News

Animal Crossing: New Horizons Gets Another Useless Update and a Switch 2 (LOL JK) on Jan 15

Pixel P. SnarkbyteOctober 30, 2025October 30, 2025

Oh. My. God. 🙄 Nintendo, bless their tiny, corporate hearts, announced a Nintendo Switch 2 version of Animal Crossing: New…

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Latest posts

  • TOM KEIFER Still Singing Cinderella Songs Because You Wont Let Him Retire
  • SKILLET To Finally Release Something New Because You’ve All Been Clamoring For More Of The Same Old Stuff In July; ‘Comatose: 20 Years, Still Screaming Tour’ To Launch This Fall Because They Still Can’t Sell Out A Decent Venue
  • Trump vows to punish scum who trashed our great nation’s pool
  • Steam Machine Pricing and Reservations Are Finally Here Because You Clearly Haven’t Spent Enough Money on Overpriced PC Hardware Already
  • Get Ready for Some Pretentious Discussions About Magnifica Humanitas That Will Change Your Life Forever Possibly Maybe

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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