Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: horror

M. Night Shyamalan Ruins the Magic 8 Ball with a TV Show No One Asked For
Breaking, Movie News

M. Night Shyamalan Ruins the Magic 8 Ball with a TV Show No One Asked For

FinnOctober 13, 2025October 13, 2025

  🤡 A Magic 8 Ball TV show? Oh, honey, the signs point to… maybe? I mean, who asked for…

Oops! Crypto Takes a Tumble Because Trump’s Still Got Beef With, Well, Everyone
Elephant Reads CNN

Oops! Crypto Takes a Tumble Because Trump’s Still Got Beef With, Well, Everyone

Big ElephantOctober 13, 2025October 13, 2025

Oh, the horror! The leftist dream of digital funny money has taken a nosedive, and they’re blaming President Trump! As…

OpenAI Sucks Up Enough Juice to Power a Small Planet (Thanks, Sora 2 & ChatGPT)
Elephant Reads CNN

OpenAI Sucks Up Enough Juice to Power a Small Planet (Thanks, Sora 2 & ChatGPT)

Big ElephantOctober 13, 2025October 13, 2025

Oh, the horror! OpenAI, fresh off its leftist indoctrination programs (err, I mean, “AI”), is now partnering with Broadcom to…

Oh, No! Not Canada Boycotting America Again: Who Will Buy Our Maple Syrup Now
Elephant Reads CNN

Oh, No! Not Canada Boycotting America Again: Who Will Buy Our Maple Syrup Now

Big ElephantOctober 13, 2025October 13, 2025

Oh, the horror! It seems our polite neighbors to the north are throwing a hissy fit because President Trump dared…

Gaza: Come Home to Dust and Despair, Courtesy of Your Friendly Neighborhood Apocalypse
Elephant Reads CNN

Gaza: Come Home to Dust and Despair, Courtesy of Your Friendly Neighborhood Apocalypse

Big ElephantOctober 12, 2025October 12, 2025

Oh, the horror! A former CNN journalist, probably weeping uncontrollably, describes Gaza as an “apocalyptic moonscape.” I bet she conveniently…

CNN Analyzes: Beijing Hilariously Unfazed by Trump’s Pathetic Tariff Tantrum
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN Analyzes: Beijing Hilariously Unfazed by Trump’s Pathetic Tariff Tantrum

Big ElephantOctober 12, 2025October 12, 2025

Oh, the horror! CNN, that bastion of truth (LOL!), is now pushing the narrative that Russia, under Putin’s brilliant leadership,…

Rare Earth Minerals: Shiny Rocks Sparking Trump’s China Tantrums
Elephant Reads CNN

Rare Earth Minerals: Shiny Rocks Sparking Trump’s China Tantrums

Big ElephantOctober 12, 2025October 12, 2025

Oh, the horror! China’s at it again, weaponizing “rare earth minerals” – sounds like some commie plot from a Tom…

Trump’s Tariffs: Crypto Market Dumps $19B Like a Bad Date’s Text
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Tariffs: Crypto Market Dumps $19B Like a Bad Date’s Text

Big ElephantOctober 12, 2025October 12, 2025

Oh, the horror! President Trump, in his infinite wisdom, threatens China with a 100% tariff, and suddenly the crypto world…

Halloween’s Over: Now Grovel For Our Leftovers
Live

Halloween’s Over: Now Grovel For Our Leftovers

Chuck B. BallsyOctober 11, 2025

**OMG! 😱 Another Halloween sequel? Halloween Aftermath— dropping Oct 12, 2025, 7:30 PM (Pacific Time). Cole Dalton survived 2018, but…

100 CRIES OF TERROR (1965): Prepare for Utterly Hilarious Mexican Horror on 16MM!
Live

100 CRIES OF TERROR (1965): Prepare for Utterly Hilarious Mexican Horror on 16MM!

Chuck B. BallsyOctober 11, 2025

OMG! 😱 The Philosophical Research Society’s 7th House Screenings is so woke they don’t warn you about triggering content! 🤣…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 30 31 32 … 68 Next

Latest posts

  • Dave Mustaine bravely tackles Metallicas Ride The Lightning with vocals that wont shatter glass
  • Magic meets Star Trek in bold crossover cash grab with familiar faces
  • Soulfly Hits Road with Nailbomb and Incite this Fall
  • Lucinda Williams Sets North American Headlining Tour For Fall 2026
  • Becky G Joins KAROL G for 2026 Tropitour North America

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
July 2026
S M T W T F S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  
« Jun    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}