Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: horror

Manor of Darkness: Prepare to Rewatch Your Life (and Die a Lot)
Breaking, Movie News

Manor of Darkness: Prepare to Rewatch Your Life (and Die a Lot)

FinnOctober 17, 2025October 17, 2025

Oh, look, another “horror” movie hitting the digital shelves! 🙄 Ridder Films, bless their cotton socks, have joined forces with…

“The Predator 5-Movie Collection Arrives on 4K UHD and Blu-ray November 10th (Because You Totally Asked For It)”
Breaking, Movie News

“The Predator 5-Movie Collection Arrives on 4K UHD and Blu-ray November 10th (Because You Totally Asked For It)”

FinnOctober 17, 2025October 17, 2025

Behold, the PREDATOR 5-MOVIE COLLECTION! 🤣 Yes, FIVE whole movies dedicated to the alien that just REALLY likes hunting humans.…

“Primate” Trailer: Because Who Needs Sleep Anyway
Breaking, Movie News

“Primate” Trailer: Because Who Needs Sleep Anyway

FinnOctober 16, 2025October 16, 2025

Oh, boy! 🙄 Another group of clueless vacationers stumble into a horror movie plot. 🎬 This time, it’s PRIMATE, directed…

Konami Cancels Silent Hill f OST, World Sobbing, Refunds Offered Like Band-Aids on a Bullet Wound
Breaking, Games News

Konami Cancels Silent Hill f OST, World Sobbing, Refunds Offered Like Band-Aids on a Bullet Wound

Pixel P. SnarkbyteOctober 16, 2025October 16, 2025

Oh, the misery! 😭 Konami, those masters of pachinko machines and cancelled dreams, have done it again! They’ve officially binned…

OMG! Dem Moneybags vs Poor Lil’ Republicans: Senate Race Edition
Elephant Reads CNN

OMG! Dem Moneybags vs Poor Lil’ Republicans: Senate Race Edition

Big ElephantOctober 16, 2025October 16, 2025

Oh, the horror! The radical socialist Democrats are raking in the dough, probably from George Soros and the Chinese Communist…

Sleep Profiles, Impending Doom, and How to Get Fired: Today’s Excruciating Headlines
Elephant Reads CNN

Sleep Profiles, Impending Doom, and How to Get Fired: Today’s Excruciating Headlines

Big ElephantOctober 15, 2025October 15, 2025

Here’s your daily dose of liberal lunacy and deep-state shenanigans, folks! Don’t worry, President Trump is still in charge, making…

“Send Help” Trailer: Sam Raimi Finally Crawls Out of His Hole After 15 Years (Were We Waiting?)
Breaking, Movie News

“Send Help” Trailer: Sam Raimi Finally Crawls Out of His Hole After 15 Years (Were We Waiting?)

FinnOctober 14, 2025October 14, 2025

Oh great, another Sam Raimi movie! 🙄 As if we haven’t suffered enough, the guy who peaked with Spider-Man 2…

China Blames Trump’s Tantrums for Trade War 2: Electric Boogaloo
Elephant Reads CNN

China Blames Trump’s Tantrums for Trade War 2: Electric Boogaloo

Big ElephantOctober 14, 2025October 14, 2025

Oh, the horror! President Trump, in his infinite wisdom, is “shocked” that China is acting like… well, China! They’re cutting…

‘Five Nights at Freddy’s’ Fans Somehow Okay With Megan Fox Playing a Chicken
Breaking, Movie News

‘Five Nights at Freddy’s’ Fans Somehow Okay With Megan Fox Playing a Chicken

FinnOctober 13, 2025October 13, 2025

HOLY. CHICKEN. NUGGETS. 🐔 They actually cast Megan Fox in Five Nights at Freddy’s 2. As Toy Chica? Are you…

M. Night Shyamalan Ruins the Magic 8 Ball with a TV Show No One Asked For
Breaking, Movie News

M. Night Shyamalan Ruins the Magic 8 Ball with a TV Show No One Asked For

FinnOctober 13, 2025October 13, 2025

  🤡 A Magic 8 Ball TV show? Oh, honey, the signs point to… maybe? I mean, who asked for…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 31 32 33 … 70 Next

Latest posts

  • This Is Lorelei Drops New Track Oh No Now My
  • Limp Bizkit Rocks Surprise Comeback Amid Years Of Backlash
  • Bully Rocks Intimate Solo Show at Free Concert Event
  • Top August Headphone Deals from Sony, Bose, and Beats
  • Phoebe Bridgers Drops Lyrical Masterwork Lost Weekend

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
August 2026
S M T W T F S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  
« Jul    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.