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Woke NYC ruins Knicks games with absurd security overkill again
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Woke NYC ruins Knicks games with absurd security overkill again

Big ElephantJune 10, 2026June 10, 2026

Oh joy, oh rapture, it’s just another day in the swamp that is Washington D.C., where the fake news media…

Stranger Things Broadway Show Finally Runs Out of Monopoly Money to Waste on This Trainwreck
Breaking, Movie News

Stranger Things Broadway Show Finally Runs Out of Monopoly Money to Waste on This Trainwreck

FinnJune 9, 2026June 9, 2026

The Stranger Things Broadway play is finally ending, and we can’t wait to celebrate the fact that we’ll no longer…

California voter fraud facts ignored by fake news again
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

California voter fraud facts ignored by fake news again

Big ElephantJune 9, 2026June 9, 2026

Oh joy, oh rapture, it’s a beautiful day in America, folks, and I’m thrilled to be writing about the latest…

OH JOY NEKROGOBLIKON Is Still Alive And Will Be Torturing Ears On Their Totally Not Overdue 20th Anniversary Tour Because You Clearly Didn’t Get Enough Of Them The First Time Around
Breaking, Events, Music News

OH JOY NEKROGOBLIKON Is Still Alive And Will Be Torturing Ears On Their Totally Not Overdue 20th Anniversary Tour Because You Clearly Didn’t Get Enough Of Them The First Time Around

Chord F. DiscordJune 9, 2026June 9, 2026

Get ready for the most epic, life-changing, and potentially ear-destroying experience of your life: NEKROGOBLIKON is going on tour 🤯🎉!…

Breaking News Aliens Finally Decide to Reveal Themselves to Humans and Its All Thanks to Steven Spielbergs Latest Blockbuster Which Totally Wasnt Made by Aliens
Breaking, Movie News

Breaking News Aliens Finally Decide to Reveal Themselves to Humans and Its All Thanks to Steven Spielbergs Latest Blockbuster Which Totally Wasnt Made by Aliens

FinnJune 9, 2026June 9, 2026

The government finally decided to release some juicy UFO footage, and the world’s reaction was a collective shrug 🤷‍♀️. I…

Helldivers Film Completely Collapses Without Jason Momoa Because Let’s Be Real He Was the Only Reason Anyone Cared
Breaking, Movie News

Helldivers Film Completely Collapses Without Jason Momoa Because Let’s Be Real He Was the Only Reason Anyone Cared

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 9, 2026June 9, 2026

The Helldivers film is in a bit of a pickle, folks! 🍔👀. It seems that Jason Momoa, the star of…

Nintendo Direct June 2026: The Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time Remake Finally Happening After 12 Years of Begging and 4000 False Leaks on Switch 2 Because Youll Buy It Anyway
Breaking, Games News

Nintendo Direct June 2026: The Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time Remake Finally Happening After 12 Years of Begging and 4000 False Leaks on Switch 2 Because Youll Buy It Anyway

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 9, 2026June 9, 2026

The Nintendo Direct June 2026 has finally confirmed what we all knew was coming: a remake of the classic game…

Duran Duran is Being Forced to Share the Stage with Other Bands at Hyde Park Because Apparently They Cant Sell Out a Venue on Their Own
Breaking News: The Most Epic Lineup of the Summer is Here and We're Freaking Out! 🤯
Breaking, Events, Music News

Duran Duran is Being Forced to Share the Stage with Other Bands at Hyde Park Because Apparently They Cant Sell Out a Venue on Their Own

Chord F. DiscordJune 9, 2026June 9, 2026

Nile Rodgers & CHIC, Groove Armada (DJ set), SOPHIE GREY., SISTRA, Harrison, Wendy Bevan, and Sam Scherdel are joining the…

Terrorist Iran’s clumsy mishap spills precious oil everywhere
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Terrorist Iran’s clumsy mishap spills precious oil everywhere

Big ElephantJune 9, 2026June 9, 2026

Oh joy, oh rapture, it’s a beautiful day in America, folks, and I’m thrilled to be reporting on the latest…

Liberal rich kid Nick Reiner begs for trust fund blood money
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Liberal rich kid Nick Reiner begs for trust fund blood money

Big ElephantJune 9, 2026June 9, 2026

Oh joy, oh rapture, it’s just another day in the swamp that is Washington D.C., where the fake news media…

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Latest posts

  • Why Every Band Announces A Farewell Tour And Never Leaves
  • Wilson Unveils Tennis Balls With Even More Smell
  • Rick Astley Still Not Retired Apparently
  • Duran Duran’s umpteenth farewell gift, Free To Love remixed to death apparently
  • More Unnecessary Sequels Abound Resonance Plague Tale Is Back

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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