Valve’s 30% Steam Tax Racket Gets Epic UK Roasting in Class Action Clown Show
Hold onto your wallets, gamers! 🤯 Valve, the beloved overlords of Steam (aka that place where your paycheck goes to…
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![“Marvel Cashes In Again: [Hero Name] Stumbles Back in ‘Born Again’ Season 2.9 – Now With 10% More Corporate Desperation”](https://jackal.today/wp-content/uploads/2026/01/Screenshot_1-1.jpg)
“Marvel Cashes In Again: [Hero Name] Stumbles Back in ‘Born Again’ Season 2.9 – Now With 10% More Corporate Desperation”
Holy superhero necromancy, Batman! 🦇 Marvel’s back at it again, digging up corpses from the Netflix graveyard to slap a…
Xbox’s Great Cloud Catastrophe: Now You Too Can Beta-Test Their Glitchy ‘Magic’ For Free!
Hold onto your controllers, folks! 🎮 Microsoft has graciously bestowed upon us peasants a “new” web experience for Xbox Cloud…
CS2’s Digital Hoarders Jack Up AWP Skin Prices So Corporate Fat Cats Can Swim in Whale Tears
The CS2 skin economy is basically a dumpster fire rolling downhill while dressed as a Gucci handbag—utter chaos wrapped in…
OBITUARY’s Corpse-Crawling Carnival 2026: Death Metal Grandpas Gallivanting & Rotting Across America
Hold onto your grandmother’s ashes, folks, because Florida’s favorite crypt-keepers, OBITUARY, are dragging their rotting carcasses out of the swamp…
SKID ROW’s Rachel Bolan Unleashes Self-Absorbed Side Hustle ‘Gargoyle Of The Garden State’ This June—Breaking Up Lawn Decor and Eardrums Alike
Hold onto your hairspray cans, folks, because SKID ROW bassist Rachel Bolan just discovered he can do… everything 😱. On…
“Climate Chaos or Just Another Day in California? Let’s Ask the Next Governor!”
🚨 Climate Crisis Debate Alert! 🚨 The top 6 polling candidates for California Governor will debate the climate crisis—except for…
“London’s Hiring Event: Where Your Resume Gets More Attention Than Your Ex”
🚨Attention job seekers!🚨 Join us for a day of corporate stalking! Dress like you’re trying to impress your Tinder date,…
“Construction Bros Finally Figure Out Ctrl+Z Isn’t Actually a Hammer”
Stop the presses! 🚨 Construction software isn’t about shiny toys—it’s about glorified Excel sheets finally learning to code! 💻✨ 🤓…
Deportation Bingo Champion Benched, Rich Folks’ Bonus Season Arrives, and Surviving Winter Like a Simpsons Character: Sip Your Daily Dose of Despair Scroll-Delight LOLsob
Welcome to 5 Things PM – the only newsletter not infected with Woke Mind Virus™! While the fake news media…