Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio are at it again, because apparently making six movies together wasn’t enough to satisfy their creative bromance. The legendary director and his muse-of-choice just announced they’re diving back into the cinematic waters with a new project called What Happens at Night, because nothing says “fresh ideas” like recycling the same successful formula for the seventh time.
For those keeping track at home, this brings their collaboration count to seven, following classics like Gangs of New York (when DiCaprio tried on an accent), The Aviator (when DiCaprio flew planes and acted crazy), The Departed (when everyone was Irish for some reason), Shutter Island (when DiCaprio went to an island and got really confused), The Wolf of Wall Street (when DiCaprio did a lot of drugs and yelled), and Killers of the Flower Moon (when they made Apple feel important).
The only times Scorsese has dared to work without DiCaprio in this century were Hugo (he needed someone who could work with kids and animals), Silence (apparently even Scorsese needs a vacation from Leo sometimes), and The Irishman (where he decided to de-age Robert De Niro instead, because why not mix things up?).
Joining this cinematic power couple is Jennifer Lawrence, who looks absolutely thrilled in the promotional image to be sandwiched between these two titans of industry. Also along for the ride are Patricia Clarkson (professional character actress), Mads Mikkelsen (the guy who makes everything he’s in 20% cooler), Jared Harris (the thinking man’s supporting actor), and Welker White (wait, who?).
Apple, which apparently hasn’t learned its lesson after losing money on the last one, is distributing this beautiful train wreck. They describe it as “the dream-like story follows a married American couple who travel to a small, snowy European town to adopt a baby,” which sounds suspiciously like someone mashed up Before Sunrise, Force Majeure, and Knocked Up in a blender.
According to other sources, the source novel is a “beautifully eerie tale” and a reconfigured “Victorian ghost story,” so expect something that’s either going to win all the awards or leave everyone scratching their heads wondering what just happened. Maybe both!
Their last outing, Killers of the Flower Moon, made over $150 million and got nominated for ten Academy Awards before being completely shut out, which is Hollywood-speak for “We liked it but not enough to actually give it anything.” That was the year Oppenheimer swept the Oscars with seven wins, including Best Picture, proving that sometimes the Academy just wants to watch the world burn.
Apple, in its infinite wisdom, hasn’t bothered to provide a release date, probably because they’re still trying to figure out how to explain to shareholders why they keep funding Scorsese’s expensive hobbies. So keep your eyes peeled, your expectations managed, and maybe lower your standards just a little bit.
In related news, somewhere Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are reportedly working on a project where they play Boston guys who have complicated relationships, while Jason Statham is starring in a movie where he kicks people in the face for two hours. Hollywood: where originality goes to die and remakes are born.
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
