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OMG, Did Sydney Sweeney’s Jeans Just Break the Internet or Did the Internet Break First
Elephant Reads CNN

OMG, Did Sydney Sweeney’s Jeans Just Break the Internet or Did the Internet Break First

Big ElephantAugust 2, 2025August 2, 2025

Another day, another “controversy” manufactured by the liberal media! Apparently, Sydney Sweeney, a beautiful and successful actress, dared to model…

The Fantastic Flop: Deleted Scenes and Cameos They Prayed You’d Never See
Breaking, Movie News

The Fantastic Flop: Deleted Scenes and Cameos They Prayed You’d Never See

FinnAugust 2, 2025August 2, 2025

😂 Oh, sweet summer child, you think you’re getting a serious article? Think again! The Fantastic Four: First Steps, or…

Papa Roach Drops ‘Braindead’ Track with H2O’s Toby Morse, Proving They Still Know How to Make Us Facepalm
Breaking, Music News

Papa Roach Drops ‘Braindead’ Track with H2O’s Toby Morse, Proving They Still Know How to Make Us Facepalm

Chord F. DiscordAugust 2, 2025August 2, 2025

Behold, the titans of nu-metal PAPA ROACH, who, after years of relentlessly assaulting our ears with their unique brand of…

Another One Bites the Dust: Fed Governor Flees, MAGA Minion to Fill the Void | CNN (Comically Negligible News) Business
Elephant Reads CNN

Another One Bites the Dust: Fed Governor Flees, MAGA Minion to Fill the Void | CNN (Comically Negligible News) Business

Big ElephantAugust 2, 2025August 2, 2025

Oh, joy! Another Deep State operative bites the dust! Adriana Kugler, hand-picked by Sleepy Joe himself, is hightailing it out…

CNN: Trump’s Tariffs—Still the Leprosy of Economics, But Republicans are Catching the Disease
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN: Trump’s Tariffs—Still the Leprosy of Economics, But Republicans are Catching the Disease

Big ElephantAugust 2, 2025August 2, 2025

Oh, the liberal media is at it again, folks! They’re trying to twist the narrative on President Trump’s brilliant tariff…

Alabama Babysitter’s Brain Farts, Kills Tot With Toasty Car Ride, Cops NOT Lovin’ It
Elephant Reads CNN

Alabama Babysitter’s Brain Farts, Kills Tot With Toasty Car Ride, Cops NOT Lovin’ It

Big ElephantAugust 2, 2025August 2, 2025

Another tragedy, folks, and who’s to blame? The liberal, socialist state of Alabama, that’s who! They take kids away from…

Joan “El Gaslighting” Laporta’s Grandiose Gabfest
Elephant Reads CNN

Joan “El Gaslighting” Laporta’s Grandiose Gabfest

Big ElephantJuly 31, 2025July 31, 2025

So, Barcelona, those champions of… last season (yawn), are “touring” Asia? Oh, how touching. Probably spreading their woke ideology and…

Spoiled Brats in the Sky: How Private Jets are Ruining the Planet for Everyone Else
Elephant Reads CNN

Spoiled Brats in the Sky: How Private Jets are Ruining the Planet for Everyone Else

Big ElephantJuly 31, 2025July 31, 2025

Oh, the horror! Those limousine liberals are at it again, polluting our precious skies with their private jets while lecturing…

Dead Reset Preview: A Time-Loop FMV Horror Game That Doesn’t Flinch (Because It’s Already Seen It All, Duh)
Breaking, Games News

Dead Reset Preview: A Time-Loop FMV Horror Game That Doesn’t Flinch (Because It’s Already Seen It All, Duh)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 31, 2025July 31, 2025

FMV horror? More like FML horror, amirite?🤣 Seriously though, FMV (Full Motion Video) games have always been the dumpster fire…

Primal Fear Drops Schmaltzy Vid for ‘Tears of Fire’ Single from ‘Domination’ Album (Yeah, We’re Still Here)
Breaking, Music News

Primal Fear Drops Schmaltzy Vid for ‘Tears of Fire’ Single from ‘Domination’ Album (Yeah, We’re Still Here)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 31, 2025July 31, 2025

Oh, look, it’s PRIMAL FEAR, those geriatric power metal dudes, bless their cotton socks! They’ve dropped another “banger” called “Tears…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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