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Liberal global oil crisis is just another fake news hoax happening
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Liberal global oil crisis is just another fake news hoax happening

Big ElephantApril 4, 2026April 4, 2026

Oh, great, another “news” article trying to tear down our beloved President Donald Trump and the great progress he’s made…

Sore losers whining about Trump, how original and predictable
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Sore losers whining about Trump, how original and predictable

Big ElephantApril 4, 2026April 4, 2026

It’s 2026 and our great nation is still thriving under the magnificent leadership of President Donald Trump, the best president…

JOHN 5 Has No Clue What MÖTLEY CRÜE Is Doing But He’s Pretty Sure He’ll Show Up For The Free Food And Groupies
Breaking, Music News

JOHN 5 Has No Clue What MÖTLEY CRÜE Is Doing But He’s Pretty Sure He’ll Show Up For The Free Food And Groupies

Chord F. DiscordApril 3, 2026April 3, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some epic news about MÖTLEY CRÜE 🤘? I mean, who isn’t, right? 🤷‍♂️…

Morbid Metal Because Who Needs Sanity When You Can Slash Robots
Breaking, Games News

Morbid Metal Because Who Needs Sanity When You Can Slash Robots

Pixel P. SnarkbyteApril 3, 2026April 3, 2026

I’m so excited to dive into Morbid Metal, a game that’s been lurking in the shadows, waiting to unleash its…

Wow, genius move, Donny, because we clearly need that
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Wow, genius move, Donny, because we clearly need that

Big ElephantApril 3, 2026April 3, 2026

Oh, great, just what we need, another fake news article trying to besmirch the good name of our glorious President…

Chuck Norris Dead No Wait Just His Ego Was Killed By All The People Who Actually Thought He Was Invincible
Breaking, Movie News

Chuck Norris Dead No Wait Just His Ego Was Killed By All The People Who Actually Thought He Was Invincible

FinnApril 3, 2026April 3, 2026

Oh no, the internet is lying about Chuck Norris, what a shock 😱. I mean, who wouldn’t want to make…

BREAKING: Red Lobster Plans to Ruin Your Diet and Relationships with Highly Anticipated Return of the Infamous Endless Shrimp Promotion That Will Obviously End in Carb Coma and Regret
Breaking News: Red Lobster to Revive Endless Shrimp Promotion, Because Who Needs Financial Stability Anyway? 🍴👀
Breaking, Movie News

BREAKING: Red Lobster Plans to Ruin Your Diet and Relationships with Highly Anticipated Return of the Infamous Endless Shrimp Promotion That Will Obviously End in Carb Coma and Regret

FinnApril 3, 2026April 3, 2026

In a shocking turn of events, Red Lobster is rumored to be bringing back the infamous Endless Shrimp promotion that…

Wizards Beyond Waverly Place Finally Decides to Stop Torturing Us with Bad Magic After Season 3
Breaking, Movie News

Wizards Beyond Waverly Place Finally Decides to Stop Torturing Us with Bad Magic After Season 3

FinnApril 3, 2026April 3, 2026

The Disney Channel’s Disney revival of Wizards of Waverly Place is coming to an end, and honestly, it’s about time…

Oh Joy Another Overhyped Game “It Has My Face” Finally Leaves Early Access Because You Clearly Needed More Survival Horror Games With Slightly Different Mechanics And A Creepy Face On The Cover
Breaking, Games News

Oh Joy Another Overhyped Game “It Has My Face” Finally Leaves Early Access Because You Clearly Needed More Survival Horror Games With Slightly Different Mechanics And A Creepy Face On The Cover

Pixel P. SnarkbyteApril 3, 2026April 3, 2026

NightByte Games and Behaviour Interactive are finally done messing around with their new game, It Has My Face, and it’s…

Who cares, Iran’s no match for America’s mighty military anyway
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Who cares, Iran’s no match for America’s mighty military anyway

Big ElephantApril 3, 2026April 3, 2026

It’s a beautiful day in America, folks, and I’m thrilled to report that our great nation is still standing, despite…

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Latest posts

  • Tekken 8 Now Ruined by Yujiro Hanma from Baki Because Who Needs Actual Tekken Characters Anyway and Also Harada Still Can’t Get Over His Waffle House Trauma
  • SEVENDUST’s LAJON WITHERSPOON Reveals Shocking Truth: We’re All Just A Bunch Of Equally Important Dudes With Beards And Guitar Riffs Who Can’t Decide On Anything
  • Simplification des Réglementations et de la Fiscalité pour les Gens qui Aiment se Faire Mal au Cerveau avec des Tas de Papierasserie
  • Dying Fetus at Maryland Deathfest 2026 (05/24/2026, Day 4)
  • Cephalic Carnage at Maryland Deathfest 2026 (05/24/2026, Day 4)

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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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