Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Jacob Elordi

Another Soulless Apocalypse Movie To Add To The Endless Pile Of Them
Breaking, Movie News

Another Soulless Apocalypse Movie To Add To The Endless Pile Of Them

FinnAugust 26, 2026August 27, 2026

At 88 years old, Ridley Scott is still directing films with a frequency that would put many of his younger…

Review: The Dog Stars is Barely Tolerable and Somehow Manages to be Both Underwhelming and Overhyped at the Same Time
Breaking, Movie News

Review: The Dog Stars is Barely Tolerable and Somehow Manages to be Both Underwhelming and Overhyped at the Same Time

FinnAugust 26, 2026August 26, 2026

The apocalypse has finally arrived, and it’s about time! I mean, who needs functioning societies and abundant resources when you…

Ridley Scott’s The Dog Stars Faces Messy Box Office Failures
Live

Ridley Scott’s The Dog Stars Faces Messy Box Office Failures

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 25, 2026

It’s a bit odd that The Dog Stars, the newest film by legendary director Ridley Scott, is coming out in…

Oh Joy Another Apocalyptic Movie to Make You Question the Point of Human Existence Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong with Dogs and Stars and the End of the World
Breaking, Movie News

Oh Joy Another Apocalyptic Movie to Make You Question the Point of Human Existence Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong with Dogs and Stars and the End of the World

FinnJune 8, 2026June 8, 2026

It’s the end of the world as we know it, and Ridley Scott feels fine 🌎💀! His latest masterpiece, The…

The Oscars Nominations Have Officially Been Released, and the Academy Definitely Did Not Just Google “Famous Actors” This Year
Breaking, Music News

The Oscars Nominations Have Officially Been Released, and the Academy Definitely Did Not Just Google “Famous Actors” This Year

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 22, 2026January 22, 2026

🛑 BREAKING: The Oscars Gave Out Nominations Like Candy at a Diabetes Parade 🍬 Ladies, gentlemen, and confused people trying…

Oscars 2026 Nominations: See Which Rich People Will Pretend They Don’t Care About Winning
Breaking, Movie News

Oscars 2026 Nominations: See Which Rich People Will Pretend They Don’t Care About Winning

FinnJanuary 22, 2026January 22, 2026

Buckle up, cinephiles and professional award-watchers, because the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences just dropped its annual list…

Guillermo Del Toro Throws Shade at AI Art, Declares War on Robots in Hollywood
Breaking, Movie News

Guillermo Del Toro Throws Shade at AI Art, Declares War on Robots in Hollywood

FinnDecember 2, 2025December 2, 2025

Guillermo del Toro, the cinematic genius (or so he thinks 🙄), took a break from patting himself on the back…

Margot Robbie & Jacob Elordi Ruining Wuthering Heights: The Trailer
Breaking, Movie News

Margot Robbie & Jacob Elordi Ruining Wuthering Heights: The Trailer

FinnNovember 17, 2025November 17, 2025

From the depths of Hollywood’s recycling bin 🗑️, Warner Bros. Pictures, and self-proclaimed auteur Emerald Fennell (yes, *that* Emerald Fennell…

New Movies on Streaming This Weekend (Prepare for Disappointment)
Breaking, Movie News

New Movies on Streaming This Weekend (Prepare for Disappointment)

FinnNovember 7, 2025November 7, 2025

Another weekend, another excuse to avoid sunlight and human interaction! 🥳 Gather ’round, fellow couch potatoes, as we unveil the…

Guillermo Del Toro Resurrects Old News: ‘Frankenstein’ Trailer Finally Drops (Yawn)
Breaking, Movie News

Guillermo Del Toro Resurrects Old News: ‘Frankenstein’ Trailer Finally Drops (Yawn)

FinnOctober 1, 2025October 1, 2025

OMG! 🙄 Guillermo del Toro, that dude who’s obsessed with monsters and creepy stuff, is FINALLY making his Frankenstein movie!…

Latest posts

  • US Wins Bigly In Alien Terrorist Court Deportation Case Somehow
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Donald Trump shares thoughts on September 11, 2026
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Trump Promises $5000 Dividend to All US Adults Despite Criticism
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald Trump posts on Truth Social September 11 2026
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Vance and Donald Trump fire up crowd in Dallas for midterms

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
September 2026
S M T W T F S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930  
« Aug    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.