Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
    • The Orange Oracle
  • Live
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
    • Legalizer
    • Spin Of The Day
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Metal festival

Primal Fear rejects form new band because why not
Breaking, Music News

Primal Fear rejects form new band because why not

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 26, 2026September 26, 2026

In a shocking turn of events that will surely change the course of metal history forever, former PRIMAL FEAR members…

DOM LAWSON has a heart attack because metal isn’t loud enough apparently his heart needed more motivation
Breaking, Music News

DOM LAWSON has a heart attack because metal isn’t loud enough apparently his heart needed more motivation

Chord F. DiscordAugust 14, 2026August 14, 2026

Oh no, the metal world is shaken to its core: Dom Lawson, the renowned UK metal journalist, has suffered a…

SHINING Returns To Confuse Norway With New Music
Breaking, Music News

SHINING Returns To Confuse Norway With New Music

Chord F. DiscordAugust 7, 2026August 7, 2026

Oh boy, are you in for a treat! 🀯 SHINING just dropped a new single, “North”, and it’s a wild…

Mastodon finally makes album that will slightly satisfy existing fans
Breaking, Music News

Mastodon finally makes album that will slightly satisfy existing fans

Chord F. DiscordJuly 25, 2026July 25, 2026

Okay, so MASTODON is back with a new album, “Marrow Deep”, and it’s not like we’ve been waiting for five…

Kirk Windstein’s Back Acts Up Again Because He’s Old
Breaking, Music News

Kirk Windstein’s Back Acts Up Again Because He’s Old

Chord F. DiscordJuly 20, 2026July 20, 2026

Oh no, the sky is falling! CROWBAR’s European tour is canceled, and I’m totally not surprised πŸ™„. I mean, who…

OMG You Won’t Believe Who’s Banging Away on Drums for ACCEPT Now It’s None Other Than Ex-MEGADETH Superstar SHAWN DROVER Who Clearly Ran Out of Other Bands to Play For
Get ready for some face-melting, ear-shattering, and jaw-dropping news, metalheads! 🀯🎸πŸ”₯
Breaking, Music News

OMG You Won’t Believe Who’s Banging Away on Drums for ACCEPT Now It’s None Other Than Ex-MEGADETH Superstar SHAWN DROVER Who Clearly Ran Out of Other Bands to Play For

Chord F. DiscordMay 4, 2026May 4, 2026

The one and only Shawn Drover, former drummer of MEGADETH, has joined forces with the legendary ACCEPT as a “special…

Why Earn It When You Can Crowdfund It? The New Meta for Metal Festival Survival πŸ’€
Death, Taxes, and Death Metal: Andrey Pershin is Crowdfunding Rent While He’s in the Mosh Pit 🀘
Breaking, Music News

Why Earn It When You Can Crowdfund It? The New Meta for Metal Festival Survival πŸ’€

FinnApril 15, 2026April 15, 2026

While you’re rotting away in your cubicle, dreaming of a cold beer and a single weekend without a Slack notification…

SKINDRED Drops ‘Can I Get A’ – Because Apparently We All Need A Reminder That The New Album ‘You Got This’ Exists
Breaking, Music News

SKINDRED Drops ‘Can I Get A’ – Because Apparently We All Need A Reminder That The New Album ‘You Got This’ Exists

Chord F. DiscordMarch 4, 2026March 4, 2026

Welsh ragga metal legends SKINDRED have unleashed their latest sonic abomination, “Can I Get A,” proving once again that combining…

MAX CAVALERA Prays for A.I. Friendship Bracelets While Robots Plot World Domination
Breaking, Music News

MAX CAVALERA Prays for A.I. Friendship Bracelets While Robots Plot World Domination

Chord F. DiscordDecember 24, 2025December 24, 2025

Move Over, Mozart: Max Cavalera Declares War on Robot Rockers and AI-Generated β€œSoul” Music πŸ€–πŸŽΈ In a shocking turn of…

GODSMACK Announces Summer 2026 European Tour (For the 7 People Still Listening)
Live, Music News

GODSMACK Announces Summer 2026 European Tour (For the 7 People Still Listening)

Chord F. DiscordDecember 2, 2025December 2, 2025

GODSMACK, those purveyors of, uh, “music,” have announced a whopping dozen or so European shows for the distant year of…

Posts pagination

1 2 Next

Latest posts

  • Spin of the Day: ProPublica explores the ease of starting a private school, even by unqualified individuals. β€” 9% Mostly Reality
  • Asian Brands Thriving Off American Guilt
  • Texas Border Wall Hits Snag Because Of Laws And Stuff
  • Nicolas Cage Films Get 4K Steelbook Upgrade
  • Phil Collins Drops 7 Bombshells on Piers Morgan Uncensored

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
October 2026
S M T W T F S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
« Sep    
Copyright Β© 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.