Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Advertisment Image
  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Events
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
  • Games News
  • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: metalcore

Textures Drop New Single: ‘Closer To The Unknown’ (Like We Didn’t See That Coming)
Breaking, Music News

Textures Drop New Single: ‘Closer To The Unknown’ (Like We Didn’t See That Coming)

Chord F. DiscordJune 21, 2025June 21, 2025

Kscope, the label known for its cutting-edge… uh… *prog*, has apparently signed TEXTURES. Yes, TEXTURES. The band you maybe vaguely…

FIT FOR A KING to Drag MAKE THEM SUFFER, SPITE, and 156/SILENCE Across North America in Fall 2025 (Prepare for Mediocrity)
Breaking, Music News

FIT FOR A KING to Drag MAKE THEM SUFFER, SPITE, and 156/SILENCE Across North America in Fall 2025 (Prepare for Mediocrity)

Chord F. DiscordJune 17, 2025June 17, 2025

FIT FOR A KING — aka Ryan Kirby (screaming into a mic), Bobby Lynge (shredding… or at least trying to),…

KILLSWITCH ENGAGE Drops ‘Aftermath’ Vid: Prepare for Mild Disappointment
Breaking, Music News

KILLSWITCH ENGAGE Drops ‘Aftermath’ Vid: Prepare for Mild Disappointment

Chord F. DiscordJune 17, 2025June 17, 2025

The album was another reminder of why KILLSWITCH ENGAGE, who have earned several gold and platinum certifications (back in the…

As They Perish in Spartanburg, SC (06/13/2025)
Videos

As They Perish in Spartanburg, SC (06/13/2025)

Chuck B. BallsyJune 14, 2025

Metalcore from South Carolina (probably) Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of…

BLESSTHEFALL Drops ‘Gallows’ After Seven Years, Proving They’re Still Alive (Barely)
Breaking, Music News

BLESSTHEFALL Drops ‘Gallows’ After Seven Years, Proving They’re Still Alive (Barely)

Chord F. DiscordJune 13, 2025June 13, 2025

Well, well, well, look who crawled out of whatever hole they’ve been hiding in for the past seven years! Arizona’s…

BackSlide in Charlotte, NC (06/08/2025)
Videos

BackSlide in Charlotte, NC (06/08/2025)

Chuck B. BallsyJune 9, 2025

Metalcore from Augusta, GA! Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of Snark,”…

As I Lay Dying in Russia! 🇷🇺💀 The Fall of Tim Lambesis Explained 🤡
Videos

As I Lay Dying in Russia! 🇷🇺💀 The Fall of Tim Lambesis Explained 🤡

Chuck B. BallsyJune 5, 2025

Once a metalcore star, now a walking PR disaster, Lambesis is launching a one-man nostalgia tour in Russia (and several…

IN FLAMES Hires Some Dude Named JON RICE to Bang on Stuff for Euro Trip 2025 (LOL)
Breaking

IN FLAMES Hires Some Dude Named JON RICE to Bang on Stuff for Euro Trip 2025 (LOL)

Chord F. DiscordMay 30, 2025May 30, 2025

IN FLAMES, those Swedish purveyors of… something… have apparently decided their drum stool needed a new occupant, so they’ve conscripted…

AS I LAY DYING: The “We Swear We’re Not Still Canceled” European Tour 2025 (Maybe)
Breaking

AS I LAY DYING: The “We Swear We’re Not Still Canceled” European Tour 2025 (Maybe)

Chord F. DiscordMay 21, 2025May 21, 2025

Okay, buckle up buttercups, because your favorite band of reformed (debatable) metalcore mayhem, AS I LAY DYING, is back! And…

Oh NO! Chris Beattie SHOCKED He Got KICKED From Hatebreed! Who COULD Have SEEN That Coming?
Breaking

Oh NO! Chris Beattie SHOCKED He Got KICKED From Hatebreed! Who COULD Have SEEN That Coming?

Chord F. DiscordMay 19, 2025May 19, 2025

So, apparently, Chris Beattie, the dude who held the bass hostage in Hatebreed for, like, ever, finally decided real estate…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 4 5 6 Next

Latest posts

  • Lea Michele Shows Off Ability To Make Co-Star Cry On Command
  • Fake news saying Trump can’t spin Iran deal as huge win somehow
  • Vance blasts Iran deal with rightful American skepticism and distrust always
  • Liberal incompetence ruins Reflecting Pool with dumb renovation fail again
  • Get Ready for the Most Epic Fail of the Week Freaky Friday Challenge Is Back

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
June 2026
S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
282930  
« May    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}