Oh look, Poppy’s doing a tour called “Constantly Nowhere,” which is basically just her life story but with better lighting and more screaming. The Grammy-nominated (twice, mind you) singer-songwriter-performance-artist-hybrid is bringing her industrial-pop-noise circus to North America this summer, because apparently Australia and Europe didn’t suffer enough.
Tickets are available through the Citi presale, which is just corporate speak for “give us your money first so you can pay more money later.” The presales start tomorrow at noon, which is perfect timing for anyone who enjoys refreshing browser tabs while questioning their life choices. General on-sale begins Friday at 10 a.m., right when you’re supposed to be pretending to work.
The tour supports her seventh studio album, “Empty Hands,” which apparently draws from “eclectic influences” like every other artist who’s ever owned a Spotify account. The album features industrial elements (because nothing says mainstream success like factory noises), pop sensibilities (because someone has to pay for all this), and that signature machine-like voice that makes you wonder if she’s secretly a highly advanced AI that escaped from Google’s basement.
After conquering Australia and Europe (presumably by confusing everyone with her surrealist performance art), Poppy will grace North American cities with her presence. The tour hits all the usual suspects: New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, and that one venue in every city that smells vaguely of beer and regret.
The tour dates read like a geography quiz you forgot to study for. From Washington D.C.’s Echostage to Nashville’s Marathon Music Works, Poppy’s bringing her particular brand of chaos to venues that probably didn’t sign up for whatever this is. Some shows are marked with asterisks for festivals, because nothing says “I’m a serious artist” like playing a prison-themed festival in Ohio.
This tour announcement comes hot on the heels of Poppy’s collaboration “End Of You” hitting number one on Billboard’s Mainstream Rock Airplay chart. This is historic because it’s the first time three women or women-led acts have achieved this in the chart’s 45-year history. So basically, Poppy just made rock history while the rest of us were busy arguing about whether pineapple belongs on pizza.
The tour features support from LANDMVRKS and THOUSAND BELOW, which sounds like a law firm that specializes in representing people who got injured at music festivals. These French metalcore and post-hardcore bands will presumably help soften the blow of Poppy’s avant-garde performance art, or at least provide a few minutes where you can actually understand the lyrics.
Photo credit goes to Paris Mumpower, who somehow managed to capture Poppy looking both ethereal and slightly terrifying, which is probably exactly what the album art called for.
So mark your calendars, set your alarms, and prepare to spend money you don’t have to see Poppy perform songs from an album called “Empty Hands” while surrounded by people who definitely know more about industrial music than you do. It’s going to be a wild ride, and by wild ride, I mean potentially confusing but probably very Instagrammable experience.
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
