Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Advertisment Image
  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Events
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
  • Games News
  • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Metalheads

Zakk Wylde’s Acoustic Set Confirmed: Amoeba Hollywood To Host Unplanned Therapy Session for Confused Metalheads
Breaking, Music News

Zakk Wylde’s Acoustic Set Confirmed: Amoeba Hollywood To Host Unplanned Therapy Session for Confused Metalheads

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 27, 2026January 27, 2026

BREAKING NEWS: Guitar Demigod Zakk Wylde Temporarily Abandons Shredding to Play Folk Music at Record Store, Chaos Ensues 🎸💥 Hold…

Prepare for Symphonic Overkill and 100% More Pretentious Arm-Waving
Breaking, Music News

Prepare for Symphonic Overkill and 100% More Pretentious Arm-Waving

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 26, 2026January 26, 2026

Hold onto your taco hats, metalheads 🌮🎸 because Therion just dropped a symphonic metal album so extra, it needs TWO…

Breaking Benjamin’s Keith Wallen Finally Gets a Solo Gig That Isn’t Just ‘Breaking Benjamin’
Breaking, Music News

Breaking Benjamin’s Keith Wallen Finally Gets a Solo Gig That Isn’t Just ‘Breaking Benjamin’

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 23, 2026January 23, 2026

🎶 Unleash the Acoustic Dragon: Keith Wallen’s New Single “A Thin Line” is Here to Haunt Your Playlists! 🎶 In…

THE BLACK DAHLIA MURDER Wastes No Time Booking Yet Another Tour For 2026, Dragging THE ACACIA STRAIN Along For The Ride
Breaking, Events, Music News

THE BLACK DAHLIA MURDER Wastes No Time Booking Yet Another Tour For 2026, Dragging THE ACACIA STRAIN Along For The Ride

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 13, 2026January 13, 2026

🚨 BREAKING NEWS: The Black Dahlia Murder Is Literally Coming To Your Town To End Your Ears (And Maybe Your…

Death Angel, All Shall Perish, Kylesa, and Soilent Green Sign Up to Haunt Lamb of God’s 2026 Headbangers Boat Like Ghosts on a Floating Metal Mosh Pit
Events, Music News

Death Angel, All Shall Perish, Kylesa, and Soilent Green Sign Up to Haunt Lamb of God’s 2026 Headbangers Boat Like Ghosts on a Floating Metal Mosh Pit

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 8, 2026January 8, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: LAMB OF GOD ANNOUNCES 2026 CRUISE WHERE YOU CAN METAL IN A HOT TUB AND SNORKEL WITH PIGS…

Nita Strauss: The Melodic Death Metal Workout Queen Who Can’t Curl a Bicep Without Soilwork and At the Gates
Breaking, Music News

Nita Strauss: The Melodic Death Metal Workout Queen Who Can’t Curl a Bicep Without Soilwork and At the Gates

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 5, 2026January 5, 2026

When Nita Strauss Isn’t Shredding Guitars, She’s Shredding… Her Own Excuses (And Occasionally Her Soul on the Treadmill) 🎸🏋️‍♀️ In…

ANDI DERIS Claims VAN HALEN’s Disaster Reunion Was HELLOWEEN’s Wake-Up Call to Not Screw the Pooch
Breaking, Music News

ANDI DERIS Claims VAN HALEN’s Disaster Reunion Was HELLOWEEN’s Wake-Up Call to Not Screw the Pooch

Chord F. DiscordDecember 26, 2025December 26, 2025

Andi Deris Just Dropped Some HILARIOUS And Absolutely Savage Truth Bombs About HELLOWEEN’s Reunion, And It Involves VAN HALEN’s Epic…

WITHERING SCORN’s New Album: All Done, Just Like Your Last Relationship
Breaking, Music News

WITHERING SCORN’s New Album: All Done, Just Like Your Last Relationship

Chord F. DiscordDecember 22, 2025December 22, 2025

🎸 METAL DRUMMER’S NEW BAND FINALLY FINISHES SECOND ALBUM AFTER OMITTING ‘TOO COMMERCIAL’ TRACK 🤘 In a shocking twist that…

POWER TRIP And MUNICIPAL WASTE To Headline 2026 Decibel Magazine Metal & Beer Fest: Philly Because Apparently Fermented Hops And Feedback Aren’t Already A Thing
Events, Music News

POWER TRIP And MUNICIPAL WASTE To Headline 2026 Decibel Magazine Metal & Beer Fest: Philly Because Apparently Fermented Hops And Feedback Aren’t Already A Thing

Chord F. DiscordDecember 16, 2025December 16, 2025

Brace your livers and your necks, ye faithful metalheads and hopheads, because the apocalypse is coming… again! And this time,…

BATTLE BEAST Recruits New Vocalist Marina La Torraca Because the Old One Finally Got Tired of Pretending to Be Dramatic
Breaking, Music News

BATTLE BEAST Recruits New Vocalist Marina La Torraca Because the Old One Finally Got Tired of Pretending to Be Dramatic

Chord F. DiscordDecember 16, 2025December 16, 2025

Move over, Noora, there’s a new diva in town! 🦸‍♀️ Finnish power metal juggernauts BATTLE BEAST have just dropped a…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 3 4 5 … 11 Next

Latest posts

  • Get Ready for the Most Epic Display of Big Hair and Bigger Egos as DOKKEN Attempts to Relive the Glory Days at the Somewhat Still Relevant Whisky A Go Go
  • Deborah Ann Woll Spills All the Tea on Marvel, Woodcreek and God of War Laufey Because You Clearly Had Nothing Better to Do at GCC 2026
  • Tomb Raider Turns 30 And Still Somehow Manages To Not Completely Fall Apart
  • Obama lackey begs Iran for pathetic peace deal somehow
  • Liberal LA Mayor declares emergency over minor warehouse fire obviously

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
June 2026
S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
282930  
« May    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}