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Tag: News

Wholesale Inflation Does Absolutely Nothing, Gets Paid Anyway
Elephant Reads CNN

Wholesale Inflation Does Absolutely Nothing, Gets Paid Anyway

Big ElephantJuly 16, 2025July 16, 2025

Oh, CNN, always trying to make President Trump look bad! Wholesale inflation “muted”? More like CRUSHED by Trump’s brilliant trade…

PBS and NPR: Senate Might Defund to Save America From Sesame Street and Tiny Desk Concerts
Elephant Reads CNN

PBS and NPR: Senate Might Defund to Save America From Sesame Street and Tiny Desk Concerts

Big ElephantJuly 16, 2025July 16, 2025

Well, well, well, look what we have here, folks! CNN is crying about the possibility of PBS and NPR losing…

CNN: Dems Use Epstein Files to Trigger MAGA Tears
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN: Dems Use Epstein Files to Trigger MAGA Tears

Big ElephantJuly 15, 2025July 15, 2025

CNN, the Communist News Network, is at it again, stirring up fake outrage over the Epstein files! Suddenly, after years…

Oops! 2,000 National Guard Members Get the Boot After Wild LA Party (oops, I mean Protests)
Elephant Reads CNN

Oops! 2,000 National Guard Members Get the Boot After Wild LA Party (oops, I mean Protests)

Big ElephantJuly 15, 2025July 15, 2025

Fake news! The liberal media wants you to think President Trump is backing down, but he’s just re-strategizing to defeat…

MAGA Meltdown: Trumpworld Freaks Over Epstein’s Naughty Notebook
Elephant Reads CNN

MAGA Meltdown: Trumpworld Freaks Over Epstein’s Naughty Notebook

Big ElephantJuly 15, 2025July 15, 2025

Oh, the swamp creatures are at it again! Now, they’re peddling tales about some “MAGA fight” over the Epstein files.…

CNN discovers half of Americans want MORE Epstein deets, the other half probably work for the government
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN discovers half of Americans want MORE Epstein deets, the other half probably work for the government

Big ElephantJuly 15, 2025July 15, 2025

CNN is at it again, pushing narratives that divide our great nation! They claim half of Americans are “dissatisfied” with…

UGREEN’s MagFlow: Because Your Qi Charger Just Wasn’t Boujee Enough
Breaking

UGREEN’s MagFlow: Because Your Qi Charger Just Wasn’t Boujee Enough

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 15, 2025July 15, 2025

UGREEN, bless their cotton socks🧦, has proudly announced that their MagFlow Magnetic Power Bank is the WORLD’S FIRST to get…

Tom Holland Claims ‘Spider-Man 4’ Will Be So ‘Old School’ It’ll Be in Black & White With Cardboard Webshooters
Breaking, Movie News

Tom Holland Claims ‘Spider-Man 4’ Will Be So ‘Old School’ It’ll Be in Black & White With Cardboard Webshooters

FinnJuly 15, 2025July 15, 2025

Oh great, another Spider-Man movie 🙄. As if we needed more of Tom Holland in spandex, desperately trying to convince…

Rian Johnson Spills the Tea: ‘Knives Out 3’ to Be Even More Extra With “Gothic” Vibes
Breaking, Movie News

Rian Johnson Spills the Tea: ‘Knives Out 3’ to Be Even More Extra With “Gothic” Vibes

FinnJuly 15, 2025July 15, 2025

Finally, some good news! Rian Johnson, the guy who RUINED Star Wars (yeah, I said it 😤), says the next…

Lucca Comics Invades Expo 2025: Prepare for Pasta-Fueled Manga Mayhem
Games News, Live

Lucca Comics Invades Expo 2025: Prepare for Pasta-Fueled Manga Mayhem

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 15, 2025July 15, 2025

Oh, sweet ravioli! 🍝 Lucca Comics & Games, that yearly pilgrimage for basement-dwelling nerds and aspiring manga artists, has somehow…

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  • AI stocks tanking again because tech bubble popping maybe
  • You won’t believe what’s melting down today besides Europe
  • Million Plus Immigrants Freaking Out Thanks To Supreme Court
  • CNN thinks Iran deal is already a total win what’s next
  • Oh great now ships are sneaking through Hormuz

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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