Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Nope

Dummy Dems can’t even prepare for lunch let alone war
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Dummy Dems can’t even prepare for lunch let alone war

Big ElephantApril 18, 2026April 18, 2026

The so-called “experts” and “fact-checkers” are at it again, trying to undermine the greatness of our beloved President Trump and…

The New Jackass Movie Will Finally Put Us All Out of Our Misery and End the Series Before Steve-O Dies Trying to Snort a Live Chicken
Breaking, Movie News

The New Jackass Movie Will Finally Put Us All Out of Our Misery and End the Series Before Steve-O Dies Trying to Snort a Live Chicken

FinnApril 17, 2026April 17, 2026

Well, folks, it’s time to bid a fond farewell to the most iconic, the most legendary, the most utterly ridiculous…

Nicolas Cage is Back for More of the Same Old Longlegs Nonsense Because You Clearly Didn’t Learn Your Lesson the First Time
Breaking, Movie News

Nicolas Cage is Back for More of the Same Old Longlegs Nonsense Because You Clearly Didn’t Learn Your Lesson the First Time

FinnApril 15, 2026April 15, 2026

Oh boy, get ready for another wild ride with Nicolas Cage, the king of over-the-top performances 🤪. He’s teaming up…

Fake news CNN still whining about Trump’s awesome ballroom upgrades
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Fake news CNN still whining about Trump’s awesome ballroom upgrades

Big ElephantApril 12, 2026April 12, 2026

Oh boy, are you in for a treat, folks. As I sit here, sipping my “Make America Great Again” coffee,…

Wow, genius move, Donny, because we clearly need that
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Wow, genius move, Donny, because we clearly need that

Big ElephantApril 3, 2026April 3, 2026

Oh, great, just what we need, another fake news article trying to besmirch the good name of our glorious President…

Super Mario Galaxy Movie Invades Cosmos With Fox McCloud, Because Why Not Throw Star Fox Into the Mix?
Nintendo just threw Starfox fans a bone, and yes, it's furry, blue, and flying an Arwing into theaters
Breaking, Movie News

Super Mario Galaxy Movie Invades Cosmos With Fox McCloud, Because Why Not Throw Star Fox Into the Mix?

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 26, 2026March 26, 2026

Oh look, Nintendo decided to drop a new character poster right before the release of *The Super Mario Galaxy Movie*,…

Metacritic Crowns Game Publishers of 2025: Square Enix Steals the Throne Like a Chocobo Thief
Metacritic's Annual Publisher Rankings: A Glorious Parade of Numbers That Prove Everything
Breaking, Games News

Metacritic Crowns Game Publishers of 2025: Square Enix Steals the Throne Like a Chocobo Thief

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 26, 2026March 26, 2026

Well, well, well, look who decided to grace us with their annual “we crunched some numbers and here’s who’s best”…

SIX FEET UNDER’s JACK OWEN: CHRIS BARNES Is ‘Very Approachable’ And ‘Very Relatable’ (Because He’s Not Actually A Zombie)
Chris Barnes Is Just a Big Teddy Bear… With a Chainsaw for a Paw, Says Jack Owen
Breaking, Music News

SIX FEET UNDER’s JACK OWEN: CHRIS BARNES Is ‘Very Approachable’ And ‘Very Relatable’ (Because He’s Not Actually A Zombie)

Chord F. DiscordMarch 21, 2026March 21, 2026

In a shocking revelation that has the metal community clutching their chest plates in disbelief, Jack Owen of SIX FEET…

Beer sales are struggling. Anheuser-Busch isn’t panicking, they’re just chilling in their golden throne, sipping on their own tears. 🍺👑
BAHAHAHA: Bud Light's Boycott Backfire – AB InBev Laughing All the Way to the Bank!
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Beer sales are struggling. Anheuser-Busch isn’t panicking, they’re just chilling in their golden throne, sipping on their own tears. 🍺👑

Big ElephantMarch 9, 2026March 9, 2026

New York — Struggling beer sales should spell doom for the world’s largest brewer? Anheuser-Busch InBev hasn’t gotten that memo,…

Zootopia 2 Finally Reveals When It’s Taking Over Your Streaming Queue — Because Your Life Wasn’t Already Chaotic Enough
Breaking, Movie News

Zootopia 2 Finally Reveals When It’s Taking Over Your Streaming Queue — Because Your Life Wasn’t Already Chaotic Enough

FinnMarch 3, 2026March 3, 2026

Oh boy, here we go again. Another animated flick that made more money than most countries’ GDPs. But hey, who…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 5 6 7 … 13 Next

Latest posts

  • Sopranos Star Vincent Pastore Passes Away at 80
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald Trump posts on Truth Social August 1 2026
  • TRUTH SOCIAL DISPATCH Donald posts on August 1 2026 from Truth Social
  • Metric and Friends Revive Indie Rock Glory in Brooklyn
  • It Ends – Just Kidding It’s Only the Beginning of Your Never Ending Nightmare and Also There’s a Sequel Coming Probably

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
August 2026
S M T W T F S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  
« Jul    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}