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Mortgage Rates Plunge to Rock Bottom of the Already Pathetic 2025
Elephant Reads CNN

Mortgage Rates Plunge to Rock Bottom of the Already Pathetic 2025

Big ElephantOctober 23, 2025October 23, 2025

Another day, another victory for President Trump! Even the failing CNN has to admit that mortgage rates are dropping. You…

SLAYER to Commemorate 40 Years of ‘Reign In Blood’ at Texas SICK NEW WORLD Fest in 2026 (As If We Didn’t See That Coming)
Events, Music News

SLAYER to Commemorate 40 Years of ‘Reign In Blood’ at Texas SICK NEW WORLD Fest in 2026 (As If We Didn’t See That Coming)

Chord F. DiscordOctober 21, 2025October 21, 2025

OMG! 😲 So, the geriatric thrashers, SLAYER, are crawling out of their retirement homes to “celebrate” the 40th anniversary of…

Saipan: Finally, a movie about two lads having a bit of a row
Breaking, Movie News

Saipan: Finally, a movie about two lads having a bit of a row

FinnOctober 20, 2025October 20, 2025

Vertigo Releasing and Wildcard, bless their cotton socks, have unleashed the official poster and a trailer for Saipan. Prepare yourselves…

Witness the Cinematic Chainsaw Symphony: Texas Chainsaw Massacre Docu-Blast on Glorious Blu-Ray
Breaking, Movie News

Witness the Cinematic Chainsaw Symphony: Texas Chainsaw Massacre Docu-Blast on Glorious Blu-Ray

FinnOctober 20, 2025October 20, 2025

Lightbulb Film Distribution, those purveyors of cinematic… stuff… 💡, have bravely announced that a feature-length snooze-fest 😴 about, allegedly, one…

Rush Still Kicking and Screaming in Your Hometown: The ‘Barely Got My AARP Card’ Tour
Events, Music News

Rush Still Kicking and Screaming in Your Hometown: The ‘Barely Got My AARP Card’ Tour

Chord F. DiscordOctober 20, 2025October 20, 2025

So, Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame inductees (whatever that even means anymore), Grammy Award-nominated (for participation trophies, I assume),…

Geoff Tate Milks ‘Operation: Mindcrime’ for All It’s Worth in Podunk Town No One’s Ever Heard Of, Promises It’s Really, Totally, Absolutely the Last Time (Until Next Year)
Breaking, Music News

Geoff Tate Milks ‘Operation: Mindcrime’ for All It’s Worth in Podunk Town No One’s Ever Heard Of, Promises It’s Really, Totally, Absolutely the Last Time (Until Next Year)

Chord F. DiscordOctober 19, 2025October 19, 2025

Good news, everyone! 🥳 That guy who used to sing for QUEENSRŸCHE (you know, before they got a *real* singer)…

Brooklyn’s Got Jokes, Maybe Good Ones!
Events

Brooklyn’s Got Jokes, Maybe Good Ones!

Chuck B. BallsyOctober 17, 2025

Prime-Time Comedy in Brooklyn! 😂 Eastville Comedy Club, 487 Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn, NY! Lineup “coming soon”! Maybe! 🤡 No drink…

Guitar God JOHN NORUM, Still Alive, Still Signs Deal For Tenth Album No One Asked For
Breaking, Music News

Guitar God JOHN NORUM, Still Alive, Still Signs Deal For Tenth Album No One Asked For

Chord F. DiscordOctober 16, 2025October 16, 2025

🎸OMG! John Norum, the dude who shreds in EUROPE (you know, that band your mom likes), has signed with Frontiers…

Events

Sara Hennessey’s Comedy Class: Prepare to be Underwhelmed

Chuck B. BallsyOctober 14, 2025

**OMG! 🤣 Saturday Stand Up Level 1 students, trained by the legendary Sara Hennessey, will unleash their comedic genius at…

100 CRIES OF TERROR (1965): Prepare for Utterly Hilarious Mexican Horror on 16MM!
Events

100 CRIES OF TERROR (1965): Prepare for Utterly Hilarious Mexican Horror on 16MM!

Chuck B. BallsyOctober 11, 2025

OMG! 😱 The Philosophical Research Society’s 7th House Screenings is so woke they don’t warn you about triggering content! 🤣…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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