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Tag: Saw

National Guard to Patrol New Orleans for New Year’s Because Apparently One Terrorist Wasn’t Enough
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

National Guard to Patrol New Orleans for New Year’s Because Apparently One Terrorist Wasn’t Enough

Big ElephantDecember 30, 2025December 30, 2025

Trump Sends National Guard to New Orleans for New Year’s Eve: When in Doubt, Blame Liberals and Deploy Troops In…

A Texas Teen Vanishes on Christmas Eve—Santa’s Suspected, Authorities Say “Check the Naughty List First”
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

A Texas Teen Vanishes on Christmas Eve—Santa’s Suspected, Authorities Say “Check the Naughty List First”

Big ElephantDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

The Great American Mystery: Teen Vanishes on Christmas Eve, FBI Called In to Find Out If She Joined the Squad…

Americans in 1998 Tried to Predict 2025 and Somehow Missed the Part About Us All Living in a Simulated Reality Run by Sentient Toaster Ovens
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Americans in 1998 Tried to Predict 2025 and Somehow Missed the Part About Us All Living in a Simulated Reality Run by Sentient Toaster Ovens

Big ElephantDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

’98 Pollsters Predicted Biden Would Steal 2020 and Run America Into the Ground – Shockingly Accurate! In a stunning display…

The Barbarians Are Storming Lululemon’s Yoga Studio and Demanding Matching Leggings
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

The Barbarians Are Storming Lululemon’s Yoga Studio and Demanding Matching Leggings

Big ElephantDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

Chip Wilson Declares War on Lululemon’s Woke Fashion Failures, Blames Liberals for Leggings Losing Their Mojo In a stunning turn…

Ubisoft Insists Everything’s Fine While Rainbow Six Siege Players Accidentally Buy Infinite Coffee with Stolen Currency
Breaking, Games News

Ubisoft Insists Everything’s Fine While Rainbow Six Siege Players Accidentally Buy Infinite Coffee with Stolen Currency

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

🚨 BREAKING: Ubisoft Claims No Data Was Breached… But Your Wallet Definitely Was! 🚨 In a stunning turn of events…

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution Finally Admits Trees Were Judging Us All Along
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution Finally Admits Trees Were Judging Us All Along

Big ElephantDecember 28, 2025December 28, 2025

Another Liberal Media Outlet Bites the Dust as the Left’s Fake News Empire Crumbles In a stunning twist that absolutely…

LA OB/GYN Serially Delivers More Than Just Babies—Decades of Unwanted Exams
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

LA OB/GYN Serially Delivers More Than Just Babies—Decades of Unwanted Exams

Big ElephantDecember 28, 2025December 28, 2025

Leftist Law Firms and the Deep State Unleash Another Witch Hunt on a Conservative Doctor, Because Apparently Healing Patients is…

Singer SILJE WERGELAND Finally Escapes THE GATHERING After 16 Years of Forced Hugs and Atmospheric Drudgery
Breaking, Music News

Singer SILJE WERGELAND Finally Escapes THE GATHERING After 16 Years of Forced Hugs and Atmospheric Drudgery

Chord F. DiscordDecember 28, 2025December 28, 2025

🚨BREAKING: Silje Wergeland Leaves THE GATHERING After 16 Years — Fans Panic, Keyboardist Cries Into His Synth Pad 🎹😭 In…

Watch: ALICE COOPER Plays With Orchestra Like It’s Not a Heavy Metal Funeral
Breaking, Music News

Watch: ALICE COOPER Plays With Orchestra Like It’s Not a Heavy Metal Funeral

Chord F. DiscordDecember 26, 2025December 26, 2025

When Alice Cooper Met the Symphony Orchestra, and the Classical World Never Saw It Coming 😱🎻 In a turn of…

Bloober Team Announces Nintendo-Exclusive Horror Game That Could Only Exist on Switch 2 Because Apparently Jump Scares Need Motion Controls Now
Breaking, Games News

Bloober Team Announces Nintendo-Exclusive Horror Game That Could Only Exist on Switch 2 Because Apparently Jump Scares Need Motion Controls Now

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 25, 2025December 25, 2025

In a shocking twist that no one saw coming—except everyone—Bloober Team’s CEO Piotr Babieno has finally confirmed what “Project M”…

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Latest posts

  • RIP Mike Browning because you clearly wanted to read about another dead musician today
  • IRON MAIDEN sells soul to soulless corporation because legacy acts need mortgages too
  • Carrie remake departs from novel in predictable cash-grab fashion somehow
  • Gaming Gold: Screen Time Gets a Neurological Reality Check
  • Paramount and WBD duke it out in court again somehow

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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