Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Split

Oscars Add More Guards Because FBI Thinks Terrorists Want Red Carpet Selfies Too
The Oscars Are Doubling Down on Security Because Apparently Iran Wants to Drone-Bomb Hollywood's Biggest Night
Breaking, Movie News

Oscars Add More Guards Because FBI Thinks Terrorists Want Red Carpet Selfies Too

FinnMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

Well, well, well, look who’s decided to go full Fort Knox for a night of self-congratulatory back-patting! The 98th Academy…

Chuck Billy (Testament) interview: «Political views aren’t something that needs to split the band»
Videos

Chuck Billy (Testament) interview: «Political views aren’t something that needs to split the band»

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 24, 2026

After dropping their crushing album 'Para Bellum', Bay Area thrash legends Testament are gearing up for the 2026 Thrash Of…

CLAWFINGER Unleashes Apocalyptic Title Track Video Because Why Not?
CLAWFINGER Returns From 19-Year Nap, Releases New Album Before They "All Die"
Breaking, Music News

CLAWFINGER Unleashes Apocalyptic Title Track Video Because Why Not?

Chord F. DiscordFebruary 20, 2026February 20, 2026

Swedish-Norwegian rap-metal pioneers CLAWFINGER have released the official music video for “Before We All Die,” the title track of their…

NEVERMORE Unleashes Phoenix-Wielding New Lineup, Signs with REIGNING PHOENIX MUSIC Because Why Not
NEVERMORE Returns From The Dead, Because Apparently Money And Music Still Exist
Breaking, Music News

NEVERMORE Unleashes Phoenix-Wielding New Lineup, Signs with REIGNING PHOENIX MUSIC Because Why Not

Chord F. DiscordFebruary 12, 2026February 12, 2026

In a stunning revelation that absolutely no one saw coming, NEVERMORE has resurrected itself from the grave of broken bands…

Highguard Episode 2: Ranked Mode, A New Warden, and More—Because Who Needs Sleep?
Breaking, Games News

Highguard Episode 2: Ranked Mode, A New Warden, and More—Because Who Needs Sleep?

Pixel P. SnarkbyteFebruary 9, 2026February 9, 2026

Oh look, another “massive update” — Episode 2 for Highguard drops faster than my motivation to finish a Wordle streak.Just…

Live

Abby Jimenez: The Night We Met Book Launch – Where Love Meets Laughter and Maybe a Few Tears

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 8, 2026

Attention, lovebirds and cupcake connoisseurs! General admission tickets are SOLD OUT. Yes, you read that right—kaput, finito, gone faster than…

METALLICA Declares Victorious in Epic Battle of the Marching Bands – “For Whom The Band Tolls!” Collegiate Edition!
Breaking, Music News

METALLICA Declares Victorious in Epic Battle of the Marching Bands – “For Whom The Band Tolls!” Collegiate Edition!

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 30, 2026January 30, 2026

Oh no, not another marching band competition! 😩 As if the world needed more reasons for high school students to…

Where Government Funding Talks Stand After The Minneapolis Shooting (A Totally Normal Week For A Totally Normal Government That Definitely Has Its Priorities Straight)
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Where Government Funding Talks Stand After The Minneapolis Shooting (A Totally Normal Week For A Totally Normal Government That Definitely Has Its Priorities Straight)

Big ElephantJanuary 25, 2026January 25, 2026

Schumer and his band of leftist marionettes are holding the entire government hostage again, folks, all to protect their precious,…

CHAD GRAY Calls HELLYEAH Reunion a Total Clusterf**k: ‘Slapping the Band Back Together Without Vinnie Paul Like a Weird Frankenstein’s Monster’
Breaking, Music News

CHAD GRAY Calls HELLYEAH Reunion a Total Clusterf**k: ‘Slapping the Band Back Together Without Vinnie Paul Like a Weird Frankenstein’s Monster’

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 25, 2026January 25, 2026

Picture this: Chad Gray, the man with the lung capacity of a steam engine and the vocal stylings of a…

Civil Rights Probe Into Heroic ICE Officer’s Hilariously Brief Investigation into Shooting Renee Good Gets Shuffled to Nowhere; Family Lawyer Has a Sarcastic Quip
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Civil Rights Probe Into Heroic ICE Officer’s Hilariously Brief Investigation into Shooting Renee Good Gets Shuffled to Nowhere; Family Lawyer Has a Sarcastic Quip

Big ElephantJanuary 19, 2026January 19, 2026

Another Day, Another Democrat Family Grieving Thanks to Biden’s Open Borders and Weak-on-Crime Policies! Well, folks, turn off the mainstream…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 5 6 7 8 Next

Latest posts

  • Lawyers Thrive in Data Centers Everyone Else Loves to Hate
  • Nation Celebrates Another Year of Existing on September 11
  • Carín León Returns To Sphere In 2027 After Record Breaking Debut
  • 9/11 Hero Dies Again After Being Mathematically Overlooked
  • Slaughter to Prevail in Houston, TX (09/10/2026)

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
September 2026
S M T W T F S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930  
« Aug    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.