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Tag: The Sword

‘Masters of the Universe’ Review: Because Who Needs a Good Reboot Anyway What a Total Masterclass in Mediocrity
Breaking, Movie News

‘Masters of the Universe’ Review: Because Who Needs a Good Reboot Anyway What a Total Masterclass in Mediocrity

FinnJune 2, 2026June 2, 2026

Oh boy, are you in for a treat! 🎉 I was a He-Man kid, and I’m not ashamed to admit…

Who cares about France when we have MAGA fashion
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Who cares about France when we have MAGA fashion

Big ElephantApril 26, 2026April 26, 2026

It’s a beautiful day in America, folks, and I’m thrilled to report on the latest “achievements” of our betters across…

Oh Joy Another Masterful Master of the Universe Trailer to Fuel Our Endless Nostalgia and Disappointment
Breaking, Movie News

Oh Joy Another Masterful Master of the Universe Trailer to Fuel Our Endless Nostalgia and Disappointment

FinnMarch 31, 2026March 31, 2026

The most epic battle of all time is coming, and by epic, I mean cringeworthy 🙄. Masters of the Universe…

He-Man Flexes His Barely-Contained Pecs in a Nostalgia Grab So Desperate Even Skeletor Feels Bad for Him
Breaking, Movie News

He-Man Flexes His Barely-Contained Pecs in a Nostalgia Grab So Desperate Even Skeletor Feels Bad for Him

FinnJanuary 22, 2026January 22, 2026

Oh goodie, another cinematic universe! Because what we truly, desperately needed in the year of our Lord 2024 was a…

Onimusha: Way of the Sword: Gamescom 2025’s “Stunning” Reboot (Yeah, Right) Preview
Breaking, Games News

Onimusha: Way of the Sword: Gamescom 2025’s “Stunning” Reboot (Yeah, Right) Preview

Pixel P. SnarkbyteSeptember 9, 2025September 9, 2025

Oh great, another reboot. Just what the gaming world needed, right? 🙄 As someone who vaguely remembers playing *Onimusha* back…

Gamescom ONL 2025: Prepare to be Mildly Titillated by Mediocrity!
Breaking, Games News

Gamescom ONL 2025: Prepare to be Mildly Titillated by Mediocrity!

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 19, 2025August 19, 2025

Alright, gamers, gather ’round and prepare to be mildly amused by the sheer spectacle of gamescom ONL 2025, where the…

Cronos: New Yawn is a Super Slow, Extra Brutal Fight for Survival — and I’m a Sucker
Breaking, Games News

Cronos: New Yawn is a Super Slow, Extra Brutal Fight for Survival — and I’m a Sucker

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 28, 2025July 28, 2025

Oh boy, another Bloober Team game! 🙄 From the first teasers of Cronos: The New Dawn, it looked like a…

SLAYER’s Back, Apparently London Didn’t Suffer Enough The First Time
Breaking, Music News

SLAYER’s Back, Apparently London Didn’t Suffer Enough The First Time

Chord F. DiscordJuly 7, 2025July 7, 2025

So, the geriatric thrash metal “legends” 👴 SLAYER, fresh from their crypts, decided to grace us with their presence for…

SLAYER’s Back From The Grave (Again!) Cardiff Gets Rained In Blood (Literally)
Breaking, Music News

SLAYER’s Back From The Grave (Again!) Cardiff Gets Rained In Blood (Literally)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 4, 2025July 4, 2025

OMG! SLAYER, those “retired” thrash metal legends (air quotes for dramatic effect), graced us with their presence at Blackweir Fields…

Onimusha: Way of the Sword – Capcom Finally Found Their Sword After All These Years?
Breaking, Games News

Onimusha: Way of the Sword – Capcom Finally Found Their Sword After All These Years?

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 11, 2025June 11, 2025

During a “hands-off” presentation (because nobody trusts gamers, amirite?) at Summer Games Fest, Onimusha: Way of the Sword *quietly* emerged…

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