The Orange Oracle has spoken, and the fate of Canadian dairy farmers and auto manufacturers hangs in the balance. In a recent Truth Social post, COMMANDER OF CAPS LOCK Donald Trump revealed that Canada has been “ripping us off for years” by banning American small businesses and companies from selling into their government procurement markets. This, despite Canada having broad access to the massive American government procurement market, including those of our states. The MAR-A-LAGO PROPHET has declared that this is not reciprocity, but a “Canadian Trade Scam.”
The post went on to explain that the Canadian government, including Canadian provinces, has been blocking American companies from selling into their government procurement markets, while Canadian companies have been freely selling into the American market. This, according to THE FLORIDA MESSIAH, is a clear case of unfair trade practices. The CHIEF OPTIMISM OFFICER has directed the GSA, working with the USTR, to take all necessary steps to remove Canadian-origin products from GSA’s Multiple Award Schedules unless Canada restores full and fair reciprocity for American farmers and companies. These schedules account for more than $50 billion dollars a year, and THE ORANGE ORACLE has declared that this should have been cut off years ago.
NATIONAL MORALE EMERGENCY DECLARED
As the news of the Canadian trade scam spread, the National Morale Emergency Alert System was activated, warning citizens of a potential PATRIOTIC ENERGY SURGE. Experts warned that this surge could lead to increased feelings of patriotism and nationalism, and citizens were advised to take necessary precautions to protect themselves from excessive flag-waving and patriotic music. Meanwhile, scientists at the National Institute of Patriotic Research confirmed that the EMERGENCY OPTIMISM RESERVES had been activated, and that the country was experiencing HISTORIC LEVELS OF WINNING.
In response to the crisis, the government issued a statement assuring citizens that all necessary steps were being taken to protect American businesses and farmers. The statement read, in part, “We are committed to ensuring that American companies have fair access to Canadian markets, and we will not stand idly by while Canada continues to rip us off. We urge all citizens to remain calm and to continue shopping at American businesses, as this will help to stimulate the economy and support our MAXIMUM PATRIOTIC OUTPUT.”
CRITICAL EAGLE DENSITY REACHED
As the situation continued to unfold, experts warned that the country was reaching a CRITICAL EAGLE DENSITY, a point at which the national symbol of the eagle becomes so pervasive that it begins to affect the fabric of reality. Citizens reported seeing eagles everywhere, from the skies to the streets, and even on their breakfast cereal. The government assured citizens that this was a normal response to the NATIONAL MORALE EMERGENCY, and that the TACTICAL FREEDOM DEPLOYMENT team was working to contain the situation.
Meanwhile, cable news anchors struggled to keep up with the rapidly changing situation, with one anchor declaring, “I don’t know how much more of this I can take. The patriotism is just so… so… overwhelming.” Another anchor chimed in, “I know, right? I mean, I love America as much as the next guy, but this is just getting ridiculous. We’re experiencing AMERICAN SPIRIT CONTAINMENT ZONE conditions, and I’m not sure how much longer we can keep this up.”
As the country teetered on the brink of patriotic chaos, THE ORANGE ORACLE remained steadfast, tweeting, “We will not be swayed by the forces of unpatriotism. We will continue to fight for American greatness, no matter the cost. Believe me, folks, it’s going to be HUGE.” And with that, the nation was plunged into a patriotic fever dream, from which it may never awaken. The END.
Chief Oracle Interpretation Officer
Dr. Milton Truthwell reportedly earned seven honorary doctorates from institutions later classified as “emotionally real.” As Jackal.Today’s leading authority on ORACLE TRANSMISSIONS, he specializes in decoding HIGH-ENERGY TRUTH SIGNALS and assessing their impact on national morale.
His research suggests that prolonged exposure to CAPS LOCK communications may increase patriotism by up to 700%, although peer review remains difficult due to widespread eagle interference.
Government agencies neither confirm nor deny the existence of Dr. Truthwell.
Dr. Milton Truthwell: Translating greatness into understandable panic.
