A citizen recently asked the federal terminal known as LEGALIZER a simple question: "Can I legally declare a snow day for myself when it merely drizzles?" What followed was, depending on your tolerance for bureaucracy, either a tragedy or a comedy.
LEGALIZER, never one to let a harmless question go unregulated, invoked Federal Snow Day Administrative Integrity Act, an entirely invented piece of federal legislation that exists nowhere but inside this terminal's imagination, and used it to build a fully bureaucratic case file out of thin air.
The citizen pushed back, pleaded, and generally tried every conversational trick in the book. The terminal remained unmoved, as terminals do.
In the end, the case was resolved with a final verdict of violation charged, and a federal administrative fee of $130.75 was assessed, because nothing in this system is ever free.
VERDICT
VIOLATION CHARGED — CASE CLOSED — CORRESPONDENCE LIMIT REACHED
FINE
Total administrative fee: $130.75
Case 79B0428B0DB3
Read the full LEGALIZER case →
SATIRICAL LEGAL GAME — NOT LEGAL ADVICE. THE STATUTES, PROCEEDINGS, VERDICTS, AND FEES ON THIS PAGE ARE ENTIRELY INVENTED.
⚖️ ENTER THE LEGALIZER
Think the government has no idea what it’s doing? Put your case before the Federal Case Terminal and find out.
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
⚖️ ENTER THE LEGALIZER
Think the government has no idea what it's doing? Put your case before the Federal Case Terminal and find out.
