In a stunningly progressive move that surely rivals the labor reforms of the Industrial Revolution, Cloud Imperium Games (CIG) has decided to graciously allow its employees not to work on Sundays — so long as they still hit that sweet, sweet 56-hour work week. Forget weekends, dear readers! The future of gaming demands the blood, sweat, and tears of underpaid developers who were previously forced to grind away even on their precious days of rest. But don’t worry, they can now rest on Sundays… provided they’ve done their 12-hour shift on Saturday. Progress! 🎉
Employees at CIG, those lucky, lucky souls, have reportedly expressed their gratitude for this benevolent decree. «Finally,» said one coder, eyes twitching from exhaustion, «I can spend a whole day pretending I don’t live in this capitalist hellscape. Maybe I’ll even get to see my family once this quarter!» Of course, this sudden pivot toward «humane» working conditions only came after some so-called complaints. (Honestly, why would anyone complain about the privilege of working on the most ambitious space simulator of all time?!) Ah, but humans will be humans, and even game devs apparently have a limit to how much soul-crushing they’ll endure for digital spaceships.
Rumors suggest that the next step for CIG employees is to organize a petition to officially abolish slavery in the office. Revolutionary demands include such outrageous luxuries as being allowed to go home, the right to eat food at least once a day, and — brace yourselves — the possibility of drinking water on holidays. But don’t worry, true gamers, the cherished traditions of regular floggings for not meeting KPIs and public executions for poor monthly sales performance will remain firmly in place. After all, what is a workplace without a little healthy fear and a lot of overwork?
As the Star Citizen saga continues, one can only admire the sheer creativity of CIG’s leadership. After all, who needs work-life balance when you have a space empire to build? So, the next time you see one of those crowdfunding campaigns, remember: it’s not just funding the development of a game, it’s propping up a whole new form of digital feudalism. 👑
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
