Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Advertisment Image
  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Events
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
  • Games News
  • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Author: Chord F. Discord

Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could "play the kazoo in four languages." Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories. Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
Hammett and Trujillo Cover Rush🎸: Somewhere, Neil Peart Just Did a Perfect Drum Fill in the Afterlife👴
Breaking

Hammett and Trujillo Cover Rush🎸: Somewhere, Neil Peart Just Did a Perfect Drum Fill in the Afterlife👴

Chord F. DiscordApril 27, 2025April 27, 2025

OMG! 🙄 You guys are NOT gonna BELIEVE what those two dudes from METALLICA, Robert “I Used to be in…

Joey Jordison’s family wants YOUR money 💰 to unleash some VIMIC tunes nobody asked for 🤷‍♀️, so dig deep, metalheads! 🤘
Breaking

Joey Jordison’s family wants YOUR money 💰 to unleash some VIMIC tunes nobody asked for 🤷‍♀️, so dig deep, metalheads! 🤘

Chord F. DiscordApril 27, 2025April 27, 2025

Okay, so, like, remember Joey Jordison? The dude who got the boot from Slipknot because…reasons? 🤔 Well, his family, bless…

Shinedown promises more ear-splitting “music” before the year mercifully ends 🙄🎸🔥
Breaking

Shinedown promises more ear-splitting “music” before the year mercifully ends 🙄🎸🔥

Chord F. DiscordApril 27, 2025April 27, 2025

OH. MY. GAWD. 😱 Shinedown, those purveyors of fine adult contemporary rock (with *just* enough edge to make your mom…

Kerry King🎸: “Tom Araya? Never heard of her 🤷‍♂️.”
Breaking

Kerry King🎸: “Tom Araya? Never heard of her 🤷‍♂️.”

Chord F. DiscordApril 26, 2025April 27, 2025

OMG! 😱 Kerry King spills the tea ☕ (or should we say tequila 🍹) on why Slayer’s still kicking (or…

Chris Jericho thinks rock concerts need more life-sized egos on stage? 🙄🎸🎤
Breaking

Chris Jericho thinks rock concerts need more life-sized egos on stage? 🙄🎸🎤

Chord F. DiscordApril 26, 2025April 26, 2025

Breaking News! Chris Jericho, the Esteemed Thespian of Metal (and Wrestling), Drops Some Knowledge Bombs (and Maybe a Body Slam)…

Ex-Megadeth bassist boasts he’s so rich he can finally afford to listen to Megadeth on *premium* streaming 🤑😂🎸.
Breaking

Ex-Megadeth bassist boasts he’s so rich he can finally afford to listen to Megadeth on *premium* streaming 🤑😂🎸.

Chord F. DiscordApril 26, 2025April 26, 2025

OMG, you guys! 🙄 David Ellefson, the guy who used to slap the bass for MEGADETH (before, you know, *that*…

Oh wow, Linkin Park dropped a visualizer for “Unshatter,” because clearly we needed *more* shiny things to distract us from the void 🙄✨.
Breaking

Oh wow, Linkin Park dropped a visualizer for “Unshatter,” because clearly we needed *more* shiny things to distract us from the void 🙄✨.

Chord F. DiscordApril 25, 2025April 25, 2025

OMG, Linkin Park dropped a “visualizer” for “Unshatter”! 🙄 As if anyone actually *watches* those things. It’s basically a screensaver…

Meow! 😹 Peter Criss, the catman who used to hit things in KISS, is rounding up a circus of ringers for his “hard rock” comeback, because why not? 🤷‍♂️
Breaking

Meow! 😹 Peter Criss, the catman who used to hit things in KISS, is rounding up a circus of ringers for his “hard rock” comeback, because why not? 🤷‍♂️

Chord F. DiscordApril 24, 2025April 24, 2025

Hold onto your dentures, KISS Army, because the Catman is back…again! 🤣 Yes, Peter Criss, the legendary (or legendarily inconsistent,…

Green Day are getting a participation trophy 🌟 on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, proving anyone can be famous these days 🤣.
Breaking

Green Day are getting a participation trophy 🌟 on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, proving anyone can be famous these days 🤣.

Chord F. DiscordApril 24, 2025April 24, 2025

Oh, great. More proof that the apocalypse is nigh. Those pop-punk “reBeLs” Green Day are getting a star on the…

So, Jonathan Davis from Korn is now screaming at ghosts in a haunted bar instead of just screaming into a microphone? 🤣👻🎤
Breaking

So, Jonathan Davis from Korn is now screaming at ghosts in a haunted bar instead of just screaming into a microphone? 🤣👻🎤

Chord F. DiscordApril 23, 2025April 23, 2025

OMG! 😱 Jonathan Davis from KORN, the guy who yells about daddy issues, is gonna hunt ghosts! 👻 Is this…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 116 117 118 … 123 Next

Latest posts

  • Goregrind vocalists🤘 looking for inspiration:
  • Cybersécurité pour les Nuls qui Croient encore que leur Mot de Passe Secret est Réellement Secret
  • California Announces They Have Finished Counting The Votes, Ronald Reagan Has Won The 1966 Governor’s Race
  • ’60 Minutes’ Begins Search For New Pompous Blowhard
  • When You Get the Right Uber Driver 🤘

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
June 2026
S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
282930  
« May    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}