Well, well, well, what have we here? 🤪 On September 26, prepare yourselves for the auditory equivalent of decaf coffee: Rockabye Baby! is gracing us with “Lullaby Renditions Of Linkin Park”. Because apparently, what the world REALLY needs is neutered versions of angsty anthems. 😴
Yes, you read that right. The world’s *leading* lullaby brand (says who? 🤔) is taking THIRTEEN of LINKIN PARK‘s biggest songs and transforming them into something so gentle and soothing, it’ll make you question all your life choices. If you ever wanted to feel less “Numb” after a long day by listening to a watered-down version of, well, “Numb,” then this is the album for you. 🙄
Forget the face-melting guitars and scratching turntables! Instead, imagine twinkling bells, glockenspiels, and xylophones. It’s the perfect way to introduce your little one to rock’s hardest hitters… by completely removing everything that made them hard hitters in the first place. Genius! 🧠 Because nothing says “rock ‘n’ roll” like a xylophone rendition of “Crawling.” 🎸➡️🧸
If you’re morbidly curious about what Rockabye Baby! has done, feast your eyes on the super-cute animated video for “In The End.” Prepare for a cuteness overload that will either melt your heart or make you question the very fabric of reality. There is no in-between. 🤷
“Rockabye Baby! Lullaby Renditions Of Linkin Park” track listing: Because you NEED to know what sonic atrocities await you.
01. One Step Closer (To Naptime!) 😴
02. Numb (From the sheer boredom!) 😶
03. Bleed It Out (Of all the energy it once had!) 🧛
04. Somewhere I Belong (In a sensory deprivation chamber!) 🧘
05. Crawling (At a snail’s pace!) 🐌
06. Burn It Down (To ashes, because it’s just too much!) 🔥
07. New Divide (Between rock and elevator music!) 🏢
08. In The End (It doesn’t even matter…anymore!) 😭
09. What I’ve Done (To deserve this lullaby!) 🙏
10. My December (Is starting to look real good!) 🥶
11. Leave Out All The Rest (Of the good parts!) 🗑️
12. Heavy (On the Zzzzz’s!) 💤
13. One More Light (To turn off so I can sleep through this!) 💡
Rockabye Baby! was created by David Lee Roth‘s sister Lisa Roth in conjunction with CMH Records. Because apparently, rock ‘n’ roll runs in the family… just in a VERY diluted form. They’ve lullaby-ized the catalogs of PEARL JAM, BLACK SABBATH, GUNS N’ ROSES, METALLICA and JOURNEY, just to name a few. Because who wouldn’t want to fall asleep to a xylophone version of “Sweet Child O’ Mine?” 🤣
“It’s more for the parent than the child but it calms the child at the same time,” Lisa Roth told Forbes magazine. Translation: It’s a way for parents to relive their glory days while simultaneously boring their children into submission. 😇
She added, “When I knew I’d really hit something right was when I saw an interview of Kirk Hammett of METALLICA talking about playing it for his child, and he said that it works.” Well, if Kirk Hammett likes it, it MUST be good! 🎸👍 (Or maybe he was just being polite?).
Five years ago, Lisa told Variety about growing up with her famous brother: “When we were very young — and I’m several years younger than my brother — I just thought David was the greatest thing since sliced bread. I followed him everywhere. His entire life, he was cut from a different cloth. He was fun, funny smart, hyper and wonderful to have as a big brother. We grew up in a house with parents who loved music and art. Our father was a surgeon, but also an actor who owned an Equity waver theater. My mother was an artist who sculpted and painted. She introduced us to galleries — everything was about how things looked. She was an aesthete. As kids, we had a clear dose of science and a clear dose of the arts.” So basically, she’s got the artistic pedigree to make this work…or at least sound fancy while she’s doing it. 🎨
Asked if she has ever heard directly from artists whose songs Rockabye Baby! has covered, Lisa said: “Steven Tyler wrote liner notes to AEROSMITH‘s lullabies. Joe Elliott contributed liner notes to DEF LEPPARD‘s lullabies. Elton John has been nice to us, mentioning us in the press many times. Kirk Hammett from METALLICA likes us. I’ve yet to hear anything angry or nasty. That’s not my goal whatsoever — quite to the contrary.” So, either the artists are secretly horrified but too polite to say anything, or they’re genuinely amused by the absurdity of it all. 🤔
She added: “I have a brother who is pretty well known in the music industry, I know what it was like for him and his group coming up, to make it happen. It was about hitting the pavement and playing every bar within a 500-mile radius, seven nights a week, rain or shine. I would never in a million years do anything that disrespected what I know it takes to become successful. I’m hyper-aware of every word we say and every image we create in regard to respecting every artist we pursue.” Because nothing says “respect” like turning a hard-rocking anthem into a tinkling lullaby. 😉
Rockabye Baby! is the world’s leading lullaby brand. With over 130 releases to its name and over four billion streams since its humble beginnings, the label continues to bring joy and rest to parents, babies and people who love music the world over. Or at least, that’s what their marketing department wants you to believe. 💰
Rockabye Baby!‘s independent, Los Angeles-based team of music lovers, parents and creative individuals lovingly crafts instrumental lullaby renditions of your favorite artists. Translation: A bunch of folks in L.A. are making bank by stripping the soul out of your favorite songs and replacing it with xylophones. 🌴
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
