CRO-MAGS Rehire Drummer Just to Fire Him Again Next Week
OMG! 😱 The geriatric delinquents, CRO-MAGS, have unearthed a fossil! 🦴 Apparently, Pete Hines, the dude who banged pots and…
Author: Chord F. Discord
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could "play the kazoo in four languages."
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
SYSTEM OF A DOWN (and some old geezers) Announce Summer 2026 European Stadium Tour
OMG! 😱 SYSTEM OF A DOWN, those guys who haven’t released a decent album since the dinosaurs roamed the Earth…
Roger Glover: YAWN! New Deep Purple Album Probably Coming Next Year (Again!)
Oh, bless their little cotton socks! DEEP PURPLE, those geriatrics of rock, are STILL at it! 🤣 Roger Glover, the…
Behemoth Drops a Banger: “Avgvr (The Dread Vvltvre)” – Prepare to Be Underwhelmed
LOL! 🤘 Polish extreme metallers BEHEMOTH, those edgy grandpas, have dropped a music video for “Avgvr (The Dread Vvltvre)”. Yes,…
Shinedown’s “Killing Fields” Triumphs, Proving Active Rock Still Exists (Apparently)
SHINEDOWN, bless their hearts, has done it again! Their latest auditory masterpiece, “Killing Fields”, has clawed its way to the…
Spinal Tap’s Earth-Shattering Return to Kimmel After a Whopping 15 Years (Finally)
SPINAL TAP, those legends who peaked in the ’80s and have been desperately clinging to relevance ever since, graced the…
Emperor, Mortiis, and Faust to Grace the Stage at 2026 BEYOND THE GATES Festival: Prepare for the Most Trve Kvlt Reunion of All Time (Maybe)
Ah, BEYOND THE GATES! The festival so metal, it makes Vikings weep with joy… or maybe it’s just the lutefisk.…
Tom Keifer (Cinderella) Admits To Ripping Off Randy Rhoads’ Licks
In a groundbreaking 🙄 new interview with 96.9 The Eagle KKGL, CINDERELLA frontman Tom Keifer, the unsung hero of hair…
ProgPower USA 2026: These Bands Are So Old, They Make Dinosaurs Look Like Fresh-Faced Teenagers
ENSIFERUM, ELUVEITIE, CONCEPTION, EVERGREY, NEVERMORE (wait, what year is it?!), HAMMERFALL (because who doesn’t love a good hammer?), CRIMSON GLORY…
Tim McIlrath of RISE AGAINST: Injecting Politics into Music? More Like Injecting Opinions 24/7
In a groundbreaking, earth-shattering 💥 interview with the JJO Discover New Music Podcast (because who DOESN’T listen to that, amirite?),…