Oh, bless their little cotton socks! DEEP PURPLE, those geriatrics of rock, are STILL at it! 🤣 Roger Glover, the band’s resident grandpa on bass, recently yapped to SiriusXM‘s “Trunk Nation With Eddie Trunk” about their never-ending “The Long Goodbye” tour, which started back in the Mesozoic Era (May 2017). Apparently, they’re too busy counting their dentures to plan a final concert. 👴🎸
When asked if they’d just keep wheezing and creaking until they physically can’t remember what instrument they’re holding, Glover, bless his heart, said they’re not into the whole “farewell tour” shebang. 🙄 Like BLACK SABBATH and others didn’t make a killing off of pretending to retire! He thinks putting a date on their last shuffle would be too much pressure. Oh, the drama! 🎭 Instead, they’ll just “play and play and play, and suddenly we’re not playing.” Groundbreaking! 🤯 No fanfare for these legends – unless you count the sound of their knees cracking. 🦴
Glover also reminisced about how Steve Morse, bless his ambitious little soul, suggested they cash in on a final tour. 💰 But the band, being the epitome of artistic integrity (or stubbornness), shot that down faster than you can say “Smoke on the Water.” 💨 Hence, “The Long Goodbye” was born – a tour that’s longer than my grandma’s grocery list. 📝 Glover whined that this year is an “off year.” Oh no! Poor guys! 😭 They’ve only got a couple of gigs lined up at the end of the year. Time to invest in some rocking chairs, fellas! 💺
Host Eddie Trunk, bless his ever-patient soul, wondered if their last gig would just happen spontaneously. Glover, with the wisdom of a man who’s seen too many rock ‘n’ roll shenanigans, agreed. 🤷♂️ It’s all about the music, you see. Not the money. (Sure, Jan!) 🙄 They’re just gonna “Bop till you drop.” I’m picturing a bunch of octogenarians doing the Macarena. 💃🕺
Trunk, bless his skeptical heart, pointed out that everyone announces farewell tours and then comes back for more. Glover, bless his honesty (or delusion), admitted it’s all about the Benjamins. 💵 But DEEP PURPLE is above that! They’re more about the music! (Yeah, right. And I’m the Queen of England.) 👑
Glover, bless his optimism, insists they’re still on top of their game, despite the aches and pains. 🤕 Ian Gillan turned 80 this year! 🎈 Glover himself is joining the octogenarian club soon. 🎉 “It’s a horrible number,” he whined. Boo-hoo! 😢 Maybe it’s time to trade those guitars for walkers, guys! 🚶♂️🚶♀️
But wait, there’s more! Glover, bless his creative spirit, says they’re still churning out new music. 🎶 Their 23rd studio album, “=1,” is out! 💿 Because what the world really needs is another DEEP PURPLE album. 🤦♀️
“That’s what we do, isn’t it?” he asked. “We write music.” Even if no one’s listening, apparently. 🙉 He claims they’re trying to find new ways of being a hard rock band. I’m picturing them using hearing aids as guitar picks. 🎸👂
Glover, bless his self-reflection, is writing a book about his life. 📖 He’s realized what an “amazing journey” they’ve been on. He owes it to himself to keep going. 🙄 He attributes their longevity to luck, timing, and a “right mix of people.” Or maybe it’s just stubbornness. 🤔 He feels they “owe it to their legacy not to give up.” Yeah, because their legacy would be tarnished if they actually retired. 🙄
Gillan, bless his denial, says retirement is “out of the vocabulary.” 😂 It was all a joke! A marketing ploy! He’s booked until the end of ’26! 🗓️ So, buckle up, folks! DEEP PURPLE is here to stay – whether you like it or not! 😈
Ian Paice, bless his realism, admits they’re getting older. But they’re still having fun! 🎉 And people still enjoy what they do! (Debatable.) 🤷♂️ So they’ll keep going until they can’t anymore. 🛑 He doesn’t think they’ll ever plan a final show. It’ll just “smack us in the face.” 👊 Unless they decide to make more records. Which is “the easiest thing in the world.” 🙄 Just gotta have the ideas! (Good luck with that!) 🍀
Paice, bless his wisdom, says touring only works if you enjoy it. You’ve gotta deal with the ten-hour flights, the crappy hotels, and the transportation mishaps. ✈️🏨 If you can still enjoy it, why stop? Because you’re OLD, Ian! 👴
Glover, bless his echo chamber, said the same thing in another interview. He doesn’t like the idea of announcing a last show. Too much stress! 😫 The ideal ending is to just carry on until it stops. No announcement! Because that would be too obvious of a cash grab! 🤑 He’d rather just “play and play and play and play,” and then drop dead onstage. 💀 Now that’s rock ‘n’ roll! 🤘
Don Airey, bless his acceptance, says there’s no plan to stop playing live. They started the farewell tour in 2017, but the business is running them! 🤖 There was so much demand to continue! (From whom?!) 🤔 They said, “Okay, we’ll do one more year.” And then another. And another. And another… ♾️
Airey, bless his poetic soul, quoted T.S. Eliot: “This is the way the band ends. Not with a bang, but with a whimper.” 💨 He thinks they won’t even know it’s the last gig. It’ll be no big scenario. 😴
Airey, bless his Buddy Guy impression, said, “Musicians don’t retire. They drop.” 🎤 He dreams of gardening and bouncing grandchildren, but playing and touring is an addiction. 💉 He hopes he keeps playing for a while yet. ⏳ Please, someone, stage an intervention! 🙏
And let’s not forget about Steve Morse, who actually had the good sense to leave to take care of his wife. 🙌 He’s been replaced by Simon McBride. Welcome to the never-ending circus, Simon! 🤡
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
