OMG! 😱 SYSTEM OF A DOWN, those guys who haven’t released a decent album since the dinosaurs roamed the Earth 🦕, are apparently still alive and kicking… or at least, planning a European stadium tour in the distant future of 2026! 🗓️ Because, you know, planning is totally the same as actually doing something. They’re bringing along QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE, who are probably just as confused about why they agreed to this, and ACID BATH, because who doesn’t love a band that sounds like a cleaning product gone wrong? 🧽☠️
This seven-date “trek” (more like a shuffle, let’s be real 🚶) will be SYSTEM OF A DOWN‘s grand return to Europe after their triumphant (or not-so-triumphant, depending on who you ask 🤷) 2017 tour. Remember that one? Yeah, me neither. 🤔 They even headlined Download festival back then! Which just proves that anything is possible, even if it makes absolutely no sense. 🤪
SYSTEM OF A DOWN, bless their little hearts ❤️, wants you to know how “thrilled” they are to be back with their “special” guests. I’m sure QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE and ACID BATH are equally thrilled to be associated with a band that peaked in the early 2000s. 🤣 “Sign up for tickets!” they cry, as if anyone actually needs a reminder to buy tickets for a SYSTEM OF A DOWN show in 2026. 🎟️ But hey, at least you’ll get first access to tickets, which is totally worth selling your soul for. 😈
And hold on to your hats, folks, because there’s a “very special event” planned after these shows. What could it be? 🤔 A new album? Nah, too much effort. Maybe a reunion with their original drummer? Doubtful. My guess? They’ll announce another tour for 2030! 🥳 Because why not milk the nostalgia train for all it’s worth? 🚂💰
In a stroke of marketing genius (or just sheer desperation), SYSTEM OF A DOWN “teased” this tour by putting up posters in London, Italy, and Germany. 🙄 Because nothing says “relevant” like putting up posters in a few major cities. I’m sure the locals were absolutely thrilled. 🎉
Here are the dates, in case you’re actually considering attending:
June 29 – Stockholm, Sweden @ Strawberry Arena 🍓 (Sounds delicious!)
July 02 – Paris, France @ Stade De France 🇫🇷 (Ooh la la, even the French are wondering why!)
July 06 – Milan, Italy @ Ippodromo Snai La Maura 🇮🇹 (Hope they don’t get lost looking for pasta 🍝)
July 08 – Berlin, Germany @ Olympiastadion 🇩🇪 (Probably still haunted by the 2006 World Cup ⚽)
July 10 – Dusseldorf, Germany @ Open Air Park Düsseldorf 🌳 (Because nothing says metal like fresh air and sunshine ☀️)
July 13 – London, UK @ Tottenham Hotspur Stadium 🇬🇧 (Spurs fans have suffered enough, guys!)
July 18 – Warsaw, Poland @ PGE Narodowy 🇵🇱 (Finally, a place that’s actually excited to see them! Maybe.)
Remember that time SYSTEM OF A DOWN did that “limited-edition stadium run” with AVENGED SEVENFOLD and DEFTONES? 🤦 Yeah, those were the days. Except not really. 😴 It was basically a greatest hits tour for people who peaked in high school. 🎓
And let’s not forget the “Wake Up!” South American tour! 🌎 They sold over half a million tickets! Mostly to people who thought they were seeing a different band, probably. 🤷♀️ But hey, numbers are numbers, right? 💰💰💰
In a recent interview with Chris Jericho (yes, that Chris Jericho 🎤), Daron Malakian was quoted as saying, “What’s crazy to me is people still give a s***.” You and me both, Daron. You and me both. 🤔 He also mentioned that they haven’t released a record in 20+ years. Which is probably a good thing, because who needs more of the same old stuff? 🤷♂️
Daron also thinks the reason people still come to their shows is because they “left off on a peak.” Sure, Daron, whatever you say. 🏔️ It’s probably because people are just curious to see if you guys can still remember the lyrics. 🎤🎶
Oh, and let’s not forget those two “new” songs they released in 2020. “Protect The Land” and “Genocidal Humanoidz.” 🙄 Yeah, those really set the world on fire, didn’t they? 🔥 At least they raised money for a good cause. 💸
And if you’re really desperate for more Daron Malakian, you can always check out his band SCARS ON BROADWAY. Because one mediocre band is never enough, right? 🤷♀️
Serj Tankian is also releasing a new collection of “Covers, Collaborations & Collages.” 🎨 Because who doesn’t love a good collage? Especially when it’s made by a guy who hasn’t had an original idea in decades. 🤪
So, there you have it, folks. SYSTEM OF A DOWN is planning a European tour in 2026. Get your tickets now, before they sell out… to tumbleweeds. 🌵💨
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
