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Author: Big Elephant

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.

Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.

Bondi Accuses Judges of Running a Mean Girls Clique Against Lindsey Halligan
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Bondi Accuses Judges of Running a Mean Girls Clique Against Lindsey Halligan

Big ElephantDecember 9, 2025December 9, 2025

In today’s episode of “The Bench Strikes Back,” a gaggle of Alexandria federal judges decided they’re not just referees —…

Trump to Host Magical Money Cornfield Roundtable, Promises $12 Billion in Government-Free Government Aid
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump to Host Magical Money Cornfield Roundtable, Promises $12 Billion in Government-Free Government Aid

Big ElephantDecember 9, 2025December 9, 2025

In a move that has Democrats clutching their soy lattes, President Donald J. Trump is rolling out a $12 billion…

Thai Foreign Minister Basically Says ‘Don’t Worry, the Military Show Must Go On’
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Thai Foreign Minister Basically Says ‘Don’t Worry, the Military Show Must Go On’

Big ElephantDecember 8, 2025December 8, 2025

In a stunning development that shocked exactly zero people who’ve ever trusted the UN, Thailand has launched airstrikes against Cambodia,…

Japan Gets Unwanted Shake Upgrade: Mother Nature Drops Surprise 7.6 Patch Update
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Japan Gets Unwanted Shake Upgrade: Mother Nature Drops Surprise 7.6 Patch Update

Big ElephantDecember 8, 2025December 8, 2025

While a real 7.6 magnitude earthquake shook Japan’s northeastern coast, CNN rushed in with its own aftershock: a hysterical tremor…

I Tried Google’s Smart Glasses and Now My Phone Is Just an Overpriced Pocket Brick
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

I Tried Google’s Smart Glasses and Now My Phone Is Just an Overpriced Pocket Brick

Big ElephantDecember 8, 2025December 8, 2025

Big Tech has finally invented the perfect device for people who think walking into traffic while staring at their phones…

Oops! CNN Says Trump Got a ‘Peace Prize’ and Someone Double-Tapped a Boat (LOL)
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Oops! CNN Says Trump Got a ‘Peace Prize’ and Someone Double-Tapped a Boat (LOL)

Big ElephantDecember 8, 2025December 8, 2025

Another week, another deep dive into the swamp! Kaitlan Collins at CNN tries to spin the truth again, but we…

18-Year-Old High School “Senior” Turns Subway Car into BBQ Pit, Charged with Arson, Passengers Complained About Lack of Marinade
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

18-Year-Old High School “Senior” Turns Subway Car into BBQ Pit, Charged with Arson, Passengers Complained About Lack of Marinade

Big ElephantDecember 8, 2025December 8, 2025

Another day, another unhinged leftist running amok in our once-great cities! They are destroying America, one subway arson at a…

Epstein’s Grand Jury Files: Prepare for Disappointment
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Epstein’s Grand Jury Files: Prepare for Disappointment

Big ElephantDecember 8, 2025December 8, 2025

Oh, the swamp is getting murkier, folks! Finally, we might see some big names dragged through the Epstein muck. You…

Stryper’s Christmas Album: Prepare for a Yellow and Black Attack on Your Holiday Cheer
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Stryper’s Christmas Album: Prepare for a Yellow and Black Attack on Your Holiday Cheer

Big ElephantDecember 7, 2025December 7, 2025

Oh, great, CNN is peddling Stryper’s Christmas album. As if we need more leftist Hollywood elites trying to force their…

Smerconish Demands 100% Transparency on Totally Real US Strikes on Super-Duper Evil Drug Traffickers
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Smerconish Demands 100% Transparency on Totally Real US Strikes on Super-Duper Evil Drug Traffickers

Big ElephantDecember 7, 2025December 7, 2025

Smerconish, that bastion of truth at CNN (aka Communist News Network), is now worried about “transparency” in our strikes against…

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