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Author: Big Elephant

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.

Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.

GOP Desperately Trying to Detach from Sinking Trump Ship
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

GOP Desperately Trying to Detach from Sinking Trump Ship

Big ElephantOctober 12, 2026

The Republican Party’s midterm campaign is looking like a hot mess, folks. Just three weeks out from November, officials are…

Fed Officials Casually Mention Impending Doom Again
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Fed Officials Casually Mention Impending Doom Again

Big ElephantOctober 12, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Four years ago, then-Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell warned Americans that…

US to Ukraine: Stop Hitting Russia’s Energy, Please, For Us
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

US to Ukraine: Stop Hitting Russia’s Energy, Please, For Us

Big ElephantOctober 11, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest drama between the US and Ukraine, and let me tell…

Politicians Argue, Nothing Gets Solved, Film at 11
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Politicians Argue, Nothing Gets Solved, Film at 11

Big ElephantOctober 11, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading about the latest debate in the South Carolina Senate race. It’s getting intense…

Trump Mulls Firing Girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle Because Awkward
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Mulls Firing Girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle Because Awkward

Big ElephantOctober 11, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest drama in the Trump administration, and let me tell you,…

Trump Makes Friends With Russia Over Diesel Because That’s Totally Normal
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Makes Friends With Russia Over Diesel Because That’s Totally Normal

Big ElephantOctober 11, 2026

Well, folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. President Donald Trump’s diesel deal with Russian leader Vladimir Putin…

Trump’s Genius Plan Involves Super Intelligence Somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Genius Plan Involves Super Intelligence Somehow

Big ElephantOctober 11, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Apparently, President Donald Trump has decided that the term “artificial intelligence”…

Trump Country Suddenly Less Trumpy Somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Country Suddenly Less Trumpy Somehow

Big ElephantOctober 11, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest voting trends in Ohio, and folks, it’s looking like Democrats are…

Senator Settles Debt To Cookie Vendor After Six Long Years
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Senator Settles Debt To Cookie Vendor After Six Long Years

Big ElephantOctober 11, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about Republican Sen. Roger Marshall, who just settled a six-year-old debt with a…

Philadelphia House Suddenly Remembers Woman Who Vanished Eight Years Ago
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Philadelphia House Suddenly Remembers Woman Who Vanished Eight Years Ago

Big ElephantOctober 11, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The story of Nicole Fusaro, a 27-year-old woman who went missing…

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