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Author: Big Elephant

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.

Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.

Starbucks Shuttering Hundreds of Locations, Is It Because of My Complex Latte Order?
Elephant Reads CNN

Starbucks Shuttering Hundreds of Locations, Is It Because of My Complex Latte Order?

Big ElephantSeptember 26, 2025September 26, 2025

Another day, another socialist enterprise bites the dust! Starbucks, that bastion of overpriced, woke-flavored coffee, is closing stores. Serves them…

August’s Shop-Till-You-Drop Extravaganza: Inflation’s Still Throwing a Wild Party
Elephant Reads CNN

August’s Shop-Till-You-Drop Extravaganza: Inflation’s Still Throwing a Wild Party

Big ElephantSeptember 26, 2025September 26, 2025

Another day, another desperate attempt by the Fake News CNN to undermine our GREAT President Trump! They whine about rising…

US Gov Declares Cyber ‘Emergency’ After Hackers Do What Hackers Do, LOL
Elephant Reads CNN

US Gov Declares Cyber ‘Emergency’ After Hackers Do What Hackers Do, LOL

Big ElephantSeptember 26, 2025September 26, 2025

The Communist Chinese are at it again, folks! They’re hacking our government agencies with their fancy “cyber espionage,” probably to…

DRONES DISRUPT DENMARK: ARE THEY DELIVERING DANISH PASTRIES OR DOOM
Elephant Reads CNN

DRONES DISRUPT DENMARK: ARE THEY DELIVERING DANISH PASTRIES OR DOOM

Big ElephantSeptember 25, 2025September 25, 2025

Folks, you won’t BELIEVE what the liberal, globalist lapdogs at CNN are peddling now! “Drones over Danish airports” – sounds…

Pilot forgot to close the window, almost became a bird | CNN
Elephant Reads CNN

Pilot forgot to close the window, almost became a bird | CNN

Big ElephantSeptember 25, 2025September 25, 2025

Another day, another liberal conspiracy foiled, folks! CNN is trying to scare you with a “rogue window” on a Delta…

CNN’s Guide to Taking Pictures (as if you needed their help)
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN’s Guide to Taking Pictures (as if you needed their help)

Big ElephantSeptember 25, 2025September 25, 2025

Oh, CNN, still obsessed with “thought-provoking” images while our REAL President, Donald J. Trump, is busy making America great again!…

Amazon coughs up chump change after *accidentally* tricking grandma into Prime for life
Elephant Reads CNN

Amazon coughs up chump change after *accidentally* tricking grandma into Prime for life

Big ElephantSeptember 25, 2025September 25, 2025

Another day, another victory for President Trump and his administration! The Trump-Vance FTC just smacked Amazon with a $2.5 billion…

Vance Did WHAT Now? CNN Tries to Fact-Check a Joke (Spoiler: They Fail Hilariously)
Elephant Reads CNN

Vance Did WHAT Now? CNN Tries to Fact-Check a Joke (Spoiler: They Fail Hilariously)

Big ElephantSeptember 25, 2025September 25, 2025

Oh, the tangled web the liberal media weaves! Apparently, Vice President Vance is now under fire for daring to suggest…

LOL, Alan Greenspan and a Bunch of Other Old Fed Dudes Beg Supreme Court: Please Don’t Fire Lisa Cook
Elephant Reads CNN

LOL, Alan Greenspan and a Bunch of Other Old Fed Dudes Beg Supreme Court: Please Don’t Fire Lisa Cook

Big ElephantSeptember 25, 2025September 25, 2025

Another day, another Deep State conspiracy! The liberal media (CNN, of course) is hyperventilating because President Trump tried to fire…

Starbucks Shuts Down and Fires Everyone (Probably Your Barista Too) | CNN Business
Elephant Reads CNN

Starbucks Shuts Down and Fires Everyone (Probably Your Barista Too) | CNN Business

Big ElephantSeptember 25, 2025September 25, 2025

Another woke company bites the dust! Starbucks, once a beacon of overpriced coffee and leftist virtue signaling, is closing hundreds…

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