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Author: Big Elephant

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.

Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.

Liquid Death’s Newest Brainfart: Whiskey So Old, It’s Practically Fossilized
Elephant Reads CNN

Liquid Death’s Newest Brainfart: Whiskey So Old, It’s Practically Fossilized

Big ElephantJune 18, 2025June 18, 2025

Ah, yes, more woke garbage from the liberal elites! “Liquid Death” water teams up with WhistlePig Whiskey to create “GraveStock…

Waymo Back in NYC: Still Begging for Robot Overlords
Elephant Reads CNN

Waymo Back in NYC: Still Begging for Robot Overlords

Big ElephantJune 18, 2025June 18, 2025

Oh, great, more robots taking American jobs, brought to you by the same folks who censor conservatives! Waymo, Google’s little…

Texas Instruments to Blow $60 Billion on Semiconductors in the US, Probably a Bad Idea
Elephant Reads CNN

Texas Instruments to Blow $60 Billion on Semiconductors in the US, Probably a Bad Idea

Big ElephantJune 18, 2025June 18, 2025

Another day, another win for President Trump! CNN, in its usual understated way, reports that Texas Instruments is investing over…

Fox News, the MAGA media’s mouthpiece, beats the war drums while they bicker like toddlers over the Israel-Iran spat–CNN Business
Elephant Reads CNN

Fox News, the MAGA media’s mouthpiece, beats the war drums while they bicker like toddlers over the Israel-Iran spat–CNN Business

Big ElephantJune 18, 2025June 18, 2025

Oh, CNN is at it again, folks! They’re clutching their pearls because President Trump might be watching Fox News and…

Noem throws a tantrum, demands total power over disaster funds, potentially dooming us all
Elephant Reads CNN

Noem throws a tantrum, demands total power over disaster funds, potentially dooming us all

Big ElephantJune 18, 2025June 18, 2025

Oh, the horror! According to CNN, fearless leader Kristi Noem is actually trying to stop the endless flow of taxpayer…

Indonesia’s Volcano Throws Temper Tantrum, Ash Edition | CNN
Elephant Reads CNN

Indonesia’s Volcano Throws Temper Tantrum, Ash Edition | CNN

Big ElephantJune 18, 2025June 18, 2025

Another volcano eruption? Probably caused by those climate change fanatics trying to Geoengineer the planet. Bet you anything it’s a…

Supreme Court Says “Nah, Kids Can’t Transition in Tennessee, LOL”
Elephant Reads CNN

Supreme Court Says “Nah, Kids Can’t Transition in Tennessee, LOL”

Big ElephantJune 18, 2025June 18, 2025

The Supreme Court, in a moment of sanity, upheld Tennessee’s ban on mutilating children in the name of “gender-affirming care.”…

Juneteenth 2025: The Definitive Guide to What’s Open (and More Importantly, What’s CLOSED, You Peasant)
Elephant Reads CNN

Juneteenth 2025: The Definitive Guide to What’s Open (and More Importantly, What’s CLOSED, You Peasant)

Big ElephantJune 18, 2025June 18, 2025

Oh, goodie, another day off for the libs to celebrate victimhood! CNN reports that Americans will be “celebrating” Juneteenth, the…

UBS Gets Hacked (Again!), Blames Some Random Provider
Elephant Reads CNN

UBS Gets Hacked (Again!), Blames Some Random Provider

Big ElephantJune 18, 2025June 18, 2025

Another day, another cyberattack, and guess what? It’s those sneaky Swiss banks, UBS and Pictet, caught with their lederhosen down!…

Ethan Embry’s Career Hits Rock Bottom: Stars in ‘Alma and the Wolf’
Elephant Reads CNN

Ethan Embry’s Career Hits Rock Bottom: Stars in ‘Alma and the Wolf’

Big ElephantJune 18, 2025June 18, 2025

Hollywood liberals are at it again, pushing their woke agenda with a “psychological thriller” set in the Pacific Northwest. You…

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