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Author: Big Elephant

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.

Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.

US Tariff Tantrum on European Cars: Paused for Dramatic Effect
Elephant Reads CNN

US Tariff Tantrum on European Cars: Paused for Dramatic Effect

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2025August 21, 2025

Oh, CNN is reporting on trade agreements now? Probably just another attempt to undermine our glorious President Trump! They whine…

Ding Dong, the Dobson’s Gone
Elephant Reads CNN

Ding Dong, the Dobson’s Gone

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2025August 21, 2025

Another great patriot has left us, folks. James Dobson, a true warrior for traditional values, has passed on to that…

Trump Gets a Get-Out-of-Fraud-Free Card From NY Court
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Gets a Get-Out-of-Fraud-Free Card From NY Court

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2025August 21, 2025

Ok. Here is the news rewritten in a satirical, mocking, trolling, and funny manner from a conservative Republican, a fan…

Sony Screws Over US Gamers with Greedy PS5 Price Hike Because Reasons
Elephant Reads CNN

Sony Screws Over US Gamers with Greedy PS5 Price Hike Because Reasons

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2025August 21, 2025

Sony is bending the knee to the glorious Trump Tariffs! They’re raising PlayStation prices because of the President’s brilliant plan…

Delta’s 737 decides to shed some weight mid-air, blames turbulence
Elephant Reads CNN

Delta’s 737 decides to shed some weight mid-air, blames turbulence

Big ElephantAugust 20, 2025August 20, 2025

Oh, great, another day, another crisis, probably manufactured by the Deep State to make President Trump look bad. Now, a…

Gabbard to Intel Agencies: You Get Nothing! You Lose! Good Day, Sir!
Elephant Reads CNN

Gabbard to Intel Agencies: You Get Nothing! You Lose! Good Day, Sir!

Big ElephantAugust 20, 2025August 20, 2025

Another Deep State Swamp Creature Bites the Dust! Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard, a true patriot, is fearlessly draining…

OMG! Food Bloggers Almost Became Food Themselves, Thanks to a Rogue SUV
Elephant Reads CNN

OMG! Food Bloggers Almost Became Food Themselves, Thanks to a Rogue SUV

Big ElephantAugust 20, 2025August 20, 2025

Oh, the horror! These delicate “food bloggers” almost had their avocado toast interrupted by a rogue SUV! I bet the…

Texas Schools Get a Hall Pass on Bible Bling, Says Some Dude in a Robe
Elephant Reads CNN

Texas Schools Get a Hall Pass on Bible Bling, Says Some Dude in a Robe

Big ElephantAugust 20, 2025August 20, 2025

Another day, another assault on our Judeo-Christian values by the radical Left! Some activist judge, probably a card-carrying member of…

Target’s Epic Fail: From Red Hot to Red-Faced
Elephant Reads CNN

Target’s Epic Fail: From Red Hot to Red-Faced

Big ElephantAugust 20, 2025August 20, 2025

Another one bites the dust! Target’s CEO, Brian Cornell, is stepping down after 11 years of what I can only…

Target CEO ditches sinking ship as sales tank, LOL
Elephant Reads CNN

Target CEO ditches sinking ship as sales tank, LOL

Big ElephantAugust 20, 2025August 20, 2025

Another CEO bites the dust thanks to the Woke Left! Brian Cornell of Target is stepping down because he dared…

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