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Author: Big Elephant

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.

Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.

Federal Building Gets Free Fireworks Courtesy of Angry Protester
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Federal Building Gets Free Fireworks Courtesy of Angry Protester

Big ElephantJuly 20, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about a guy who allegedly threw an incendiary device at New York City’s…

Junior’s Business Booms with Daddy’s Help
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Junior’s Business Booms with Daddy’s Help

Big ElephantJuly 20, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Apparently, Donald Trump Jr.’s investment firm, 1789 Capital, has been raking…

US Military Loses Two In Sudden Case Of War
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

US Military Loses Two In Sudden Case Of War

Big ElephantJuly 20, 2026

I’m sitting here sipping my coffee, reading about the latest developments in the Middle East, and I just can’t help…

Booze Industry Goes Small To Get Really Big
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Booze Industry Goes Small To Get Really Big

Big ElephantJuly 20, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one: it seems the future of booze is getting smaller, and I’m…

Trump Team Begs for More Defense Cash Again
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Team Begs for More Defense Cash Again

Big ElephantJuly 20, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The Pentagon is in a bit of a pickle, and they’re…

Texas Flood Brings Out The Best In Humanity Somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Texas Flood Brings Out The Best In Humanity Somehow

Big ElephantJuly 20, 2026

Well, folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. A story about the devastating floods in Texas and the…

Mom Of The Year Candidate Claims Innocence Due To Insanity
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Mom Of The Year Candidate Claims Innocence Due To Insanity

Big ElephantJuly 20, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. A Massachusetts woman, Lindsay Clancy, is on trial for murdering her…

Trump’s Iran Plan Apparently Involves Making Things Worse Quickly
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Iran Plan Apparently Involves Making Things Worse Quickly

Big ElephantJuly 20, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. It seems like the situation with Iran is getting more complicated…

Eagles Star Saquon Barkley Loses More Than Yardage at Home
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Eagles Star Saquon Barkley Loses More Than Yardage at Home

Big ElephantJuly 19, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest crazy news – an attempted burglary at the home of…

Vice President Delighted by Usha Vance’s New Baby PR Opportunity
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Vice President Delighted by Usha Vance’s New Baby PR Opportunity

Big ElephantJuly 19, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one – Vice President JD Vance just announced that his wife, Usha…

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