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Female Umpire Ejects Player For Something He Did In Her Dream Last Night
ATLANTA, GA — The qualifications of a new female Major League Baseball umpire were called into question today as, during…
Sound Of Husband Plopping Down On Couch Helpfully Reminds Wife There’s Something She Wanted Him To Do
TULSA, OK — Witnesses said local wife Danielle Matson perked up quickly after hearing the sound of her husband, Dave,…
Trump Gerrymanders U.S. To Include Canada
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The geopolitical balance of power appeared to experience a significant shift this week, as President Donald Trump…
Trump’s Genius Plan to Make Colleges Colorblind (or Just Blind, Period)
Oh, isn’t that just precious? President Trump, in his infinite wisdom, is cracking down on the race-obsessed admissions policies of…
War? What War? Trump and Putin to Finally Decide Who’s the Real Boss
Oh, the horror! Russia’s at it again, trying to “split and cut off” some Ukrainian city with a whopping 2,000…
New Death With Indignity Law Lets Terminally Ill Be Crushed By Falling Vending Machines
Read MoreThe OnionBOISE, ID—In what is being hailed as a victory for advocates of the right to end one’s life…