13 More People Biden Is Considering Pardoning
President Joe Biden has been under fire this week for pardoning his son, Hunter, leaving political experts and the general…
Category: Babylon Bee
Cunning Adam Casually Suggests Eve Try Shorter Haircut
EDEN — The local man who had been given dominion over the earth reportedly attempted to raise the temperature in…
Study: 100% Of Your ‘Super Smash Bros.’ Losses Are Because You Had The Bad Controller
U.S. — According to the findings of a groundbreaking new study, 100% of your Super Smash Bros. losses only happened…
‘Pete Hegseth Is Problematic,’ Says Room Full Of Satanic Pedophiles
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yet another of President-elect Donald Trump’s cabinet nominees continued to face an uphill battle for conformation from…
Supreme Court Rules 8-1 In Favor Of Taking Turns Bonking Justice Sotomayor On The Head With Their Gavels
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The government’s judicial branch continued to methodically work through remaining cases before the upcoming holiday break, with…
Suspicious? Biden Pardons Hunter For Anything He Might Do Tonight Between 2:30 and 4:17 AM Outside The Capitol Heights Applebee’s
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden issued another controversial pardon for his son Hunter this week which exonerates him for “what…
Every Single Human Behavior Now Classified As Autism Or ADHD
U.S. — Secretary of Health and Human Services Xavier Becerra announced in a press conference Thursday that, going forward, every…
‘Cryptocurrency Is Stupid,’ Says Nerd Without Mega Yacht
LOS ANGELES, CA — Local loser Melvin Thompson, who apparently has no desire to own a billion-dollar mega yacht, declared…
Daniel Penny Jury Deliberations Delayed Due To Three Jurors Being Severely Beaten On Subway Ride To Courthouse
NEW YORK CITY — Jury deliberations in the trial of Daniel Penny were delayed this afternoon after three of the…
Cherished Pet Lives On As WiFi Password
MONTROSE, OH — Despite her passing, local family pet “Miss Dixie” continues to live on as the WiFi password for…