Paddleboat Ride Enjoyable For Seven Seconds
STANLEY, ID — A paddleboat ride at a local lake resulted in about seven seconds of enjoyment for a…
Category: Babylon Bee
Trump Postpones Iran Strikes Until They All Assemble In One Place Again For A Meeting
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a promising sign that the weeks-long conflict in the Middle East could soon be over,…
After Jesus Bestows Nicknames ‘The Rock’ And ‘Sons Of Thunder’, Apostle James Bummed To Get Stuck With ‘The Lesser’
JUDEA — With his fellow apostle scoring nicknames from Jesus like “The Rock” and “Sons of Thunder”, the Apostle…
Saint Peter Gently Asks Chuck Norris To Stop Roundhouse Kicking The Cherubim
HEAVEN — After several incidents over the course of his first day in paradise, Chuck Norris was pulled aside…
Man Smokes Cigar In Desperate Hope To Feel Sick And Become Unattractive To Wife
HOUSTON, TX — Local man Matthew Coggins lit up a cigar this afternoon in a bid to feel terribly…
10 Ways To Honor Chuck Norris
Action hero and martial arts master Chuck Norris has departed from this world to fight supernatural forces in the…
Confirmed: In His Final Days, Charlie Kirk Came To Agree With Whatever You Believe
U.S. — Following an extensive study that involved gathering information from all internet users, influencers, and podcasters, it has…
California Abandons $250 Billion Study On Why It Has So Many Unfinished Projects
SACRAMENTO, CA — California’s $250 billion study looking into why it has so many unfinished projects was abandoned while…
Theologians Believe Every Meal In Heaven Is Ice Cream In A Miniature Baseball Helmet
NOTRE DAME, IN — After a thought-provoking roundtable discussion, theologians at the University of Notre Dame concluded that every…
Newsom Allocates $900 Million For Black Bear Porta-Potties
SACRAMENTO, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom announced the signing of an executive order that allocates over $900 million of…