To Make Games Fair, MLB Will Now Have Managers Line Everyone Up And Pick Teams Before Each Game
NEW YORK, NY. — As teams and fans alike gear up for the start of a new baseball season,…
Category: Babylon Bee
Politicians Hoping National Prayer Breakfast Wraps Up In Time For Coke Orgy Lunch
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As lawmakers and other notable figures gathered once again for the annual solemn occasion to petition…
10 Ways To Come Out As A Conservative To Your Liberal Parents
Our current society can have trouble showing acceptance — especially to conservatives. If you’re a young conservative who has…
‘The Injuns Are A-Comin!’ Cries Billie Eilish Loading Musket To Defend Home From Tribe Of Redskins
LOS ANGELES, CA — According to sources, American singer-songwriter Billie Eilish successfully defended her land from members of the…
Minecraft Introduces Peaceful Protesters And OH NO THEY’VE BURNED DOWN THE VILLAGE
REDMOND, WA — Peaceful social justice leaders have come to the world of Minecraft to educate gamers about peaceful…
‘UNO: Even More Brutal Edition’ Comes With Card That SWATs Your Family Members And Has Them Arrested On False Charges
U.S. — Mattel has announced the release of “Uno: Even More Brutal Edition” which will include cards that SWAT…
Suspicious: Voter ID Bill Defeated In Senate By Vote Of 7 Million To 53
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Suspicions arose in Congress after a bill to require voter ID failed in the Senate by…
Awesome New Streaming Service Records Movie Streams Onto Cool Shiny Discs And You Can Buy Them And Own Them Forever
U.S. — Entertainment fanatics will soon have something revolutionary to look forward to, as an awesome new streaming service…
Stupid Kid In ‘Hakuna Matata’ Shirt Doesn’t Know The Film Ultimately Repudiates The Song’s Message As Simba Realizes He Must Fulfill His Role In The Natural Order To End The Chaos And Suffering Caused By His Hedonistic Pursuit Of Pleasure
ANAHEIM, CA — A stupid kid visiting Disneyland in a “Hakuna Matata” shirt didn’t seem to realize that, in…
Man Horrified To Learn ICE Has Permanent Presence At His Hotel
SALEM, OR — A hotel guest caused quite the stir at a local Holiday Inn Express this week after…