America Gets to Choose Its Own Reality Show
Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading about these two rallies, one in Atlanta and the other in Long Island,…
Category: Elephant Reads CNN
Blanche Stays Loyal to White House Overlords Apparently
Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Attorney General Todd Blanche is making some interesting comments about his…
Tupac’s Murder Still Unsolved Because Plot Twists Are Hard
Well, folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. It’s been almost 30 years since Tupac Shakur’s murder, and…
Kentucky Park Turns Slightly Less Family Friendly Overnight Suddenly
Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about a shooting in Lexington, Kentucky, where one person was killed and four…
Navy Life: Where Squalor Meets Camaraderie At Sea Apparently
I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the USS Abraham Lincoln, and folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this…
Desperate Family Turns to Psychics Because That’s Going Great Historically
Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. A 15-year-old girl named Sophie Reeder has been missing for over…
Police Find Suspect Hiding In Closet Because That’s Always A Good Idea
Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about a shooting at Virginia State University, where a 19-year-old named Camron Harris…
Kansas Town Buys Reporter’s Silence For Cool $850K
Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about a small Kansas town that’s agreed to pay a whopping $850,000 to…
Dems Pin Hopes On Voters They’ve Been Ignoring Until Now
Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The Democrats have adopted a new presidential primary schedule for 2028,…
Buffalo Bills Fans Get Obstructed Views, Financial Heart Attacks
Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The Buffalo Bills are moving into their shiny new Highmark Stadium,…