Navy Sends Mark Kelly a Participation Trophy for Best Improv in the ‘Oops I Illegally Ordered Something’ Skit
In a stunning display of Democratic double standards, the US Navy has reportedly handed over “recommendations” on how to punish…
Category: Elephant Reads CNN
Elon Musk declares DOGE a ‘part-time triumph’ and vows never to memestorm again
Elon Musk Admits DOGE Project Was Only “Somewhat Successful” — Translation: He Finally Realized Woke Crypto Was a Trojan Horse…
Taylor Swift Struggles to Pick Her Own Best Songs Because Apparently Even She Can’t Keep Up With Her Own Bops
Taylor Swift, in a stunning display of humility (and perhaps a severe case of amnesia), recently appeared on Stephen Colbert’s…
ICE Has a Bad Day as Judge Declares ‘Free the Abrego’ and Custody Can’t Hold Him Any Longer
In a stunning act of judicial overreach that could only come from an Obama-appointed activist judge, a federal court in…
Protesters crash DHS Secretary Noem’s testimony like she was hosting a family reunion they weren’t invited to
In a stunning turn of events that has everyone in the locker room scratching their heads, University of Michigan’s head…
Trump crashes Warner Bros. drama, demands CNN be auctioned off like last season’s leftovers
In a stunning and totally unexpected move, President Donald J. Trump, the greatest president in history and possibly all of…
Exclusive: Trump’s FEMA Council to Suggest Agency Slashes – Turns Out They’re Just Cutting Red Tape (And Maybe a Few Redundant Paper Clips)
In a bold move to rescue America from the bureaucratic nightmare of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, the Trump administration…
When Red and Blue Team Leaders Finally Agree on Something: Punching People Is Bad, Actually
Liberal Governors Whine About Political Violence While Trying to Start a Civil War In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Pennsylvania’s…
Instacart’s AI Is Playing Grocery Store Price Tag Roulette and You’re the Human Lab Rat
The woke AI overlords at Instacart are now price-discriminating against American shoppers based on their perceived “price sensitivity” – because…
Kamala Harris Extends Book Tour to 2026 Because Apparently Even Her Memoir Needs a Second Chance
Kamala Harris announces 2026 book tour extension, now rebranded as ‘How to Lose an Election and Still Get Paid’ –…