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Category: Breaking

Tiny Homes For Good Because Regular Homes Too Expensive
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Tiny Homes For Good Because Regular Homes Too Expensive

Big ElephantJuly 10, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. There’s a guy named Andrew Lunetta who’s been working with homeless…

Delta Promises Nothing Despite Fuel Cost Plummeting
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Delta Promises Nothing Despite Fuel Cost Plummeting

Big ElephantJuly 10, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. So, it turns out that air fares aren’t coming down, despite…

Eurostar Upgrades to Trains That Won’t Melt Immediately
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Eurostar Upgrades to Trains That Won’t Melt Immediately

Big ElephantJuly 10, 2026

I was sipping my coffee and reading about Eurostar’s new trains, and I just about spit it out when I…

Beard Policy Clearly Working As Intended Says Hegseth
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Beard Policy Clearly Working As Intended Says Hegseth

Big ElephantJuly 10, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth’s latest adventure, and folks, I almost spilled my coffee…

Foreign Company Lands Huge US Listing Because Who Needs Apple Anyway
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Foreign Company Lands Huge US Listing Because Who Needs Apple Anyway

Big ElephantJuly 10, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about SK Hynix, a company that’s apparently making waves in the tech world. This…

Because You Clearly Needed More Amateur Film Criticism On The Internet Now
Breaking, Movie News

Because You Clearly Needed More Amateur Film Criticism On The Internet Now

FinnJuly 10, 2026July 10, 2026

Finn McFrame here, and I’m still somehow not tired of movies, despite the best efforts of Hollywood to wear me…

David Draiman Finally Finds Courage To Ruin Another Classic Song
Breaking, Music News

David Draiman Finally Finds Courage To Ruin Another Classic Song

Chord F. DiscordJuly 9, 2026July 9, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some serious feels? Because I just listened to the latest episode of the…

Trump Takes Ax To Election Assistance Commission Leadership Suddenly
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Takes Ax To Election Assistance Commission Leadership Suddenly

Big ElephantJuly 9, 2026July 9, 2026

Folks, I’m sitting here with my morning coffee, reading about the White House firing the leadership of the Election Assistance…

Israel saves Trump from Iranian hitmen because of course they did
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Israel saves Trump from Iranian hitmen because of course they did

Big ElephantJuly 9, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and trying to wrap my head around this one. Apparently, Israel shared some intel with…

GOP Nominates Humanitarian With ‘High-Risk’ Label, Because That’s Going Well
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

GOP Nominates Humanitarian With ‘High-Risk’ Label, Because That’s Going Well

Big ElephantJuly 9, 2026

I was sipping my coffee and reading about the latest news from Colorado, where Marine veteran Victor Marx has won…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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