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Category: Breaking

MEGADETH’s DAVE MUSTAINE Explains Why His Fingers Are Plotting a Mutiny Against His Guitar
Breaking, Music News

MEGADETH’s DAVE MUSTAINE Explains Why His Fingers Are Plotting a Mutiny Against His Guitar

Chord F. DiscordDecember 25, 2025December 25, 2025

🎸🚨 BREAKING: Dave Mustaine Announces Retirement Because His Hands Are Now More Arthritic Than Your Grandpa’s Knees 🚨🎸 In a…

Trump Swears He Thwarted a Sinister Santa from Invading America, Kid Not Convinced
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Swears He Thwarted a Sinister Santa from Invading America, Kid Not Convinced

Big ElephantDecember 25, 2025December 25, 2025

Trump Saves Christmas from Deep State Infiltration: NORAD Tracking Reveals Leftist Plot to Replace Santa with Gender-Neutral Elf In a…

ICE Agents Open Fire on Suspected Minivan Menace in Maryland, Claim They Were Just Trying to Preserve the American Dream
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

ICE Agents Open Fire on Suspected Minivan Menace in Maryland, Claim They Were Just Trying to Preserve the American Dream

Big ElephantDecember 25, 2025December 25, 2025

ICE Agents Forced to Defend Themselves Against Out-of-Control Illegal Alien Driver in Latest Border Crisis Meltdown In a shocking turn…

King Charles preaches spiritual unity in Christmas message, because nothing says peace like a monarch preaching from a throne of inherited gold
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

King Charles preaches spiritual unity in Christmas message, because nothing says peace like a monarch preaching from a throne of inherited gold

Big ElephantDecember 25, 2025December 25, 2025

King Charles Channels His Inner Woke Snowflake in Annual Christmas Meltdown, Blames MAGA for British Weather In a stunning display…

More House Republicans Suddenly Remember They Wanted to Be Governors After All That Toxic Air
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

More House Republicans Suddenly Remember They Wanted to Be Governors After All That Toxic Air

Big ElephantDecember 25, 2025December 25, 2025

Washington, D.C. – In a stunning turn of events, Republican lawmakers are fleeing the Capitol like rats from a sinking…

Annual Christmas Eve jazz concert canceled after Trump’s name installed on Kennedy Center like a cursed artifact from a bad reality show
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Annual Christmas Eve jazz concert canceled after Trump’s name installed on Kennedy Center like a cursed artifact from a bad reality show

Big ElephantDecember 24, 2025December 25, 2025

Trump Kennedy Center Jazz Jam Axed by Crybabies Who Can’t Handle a Little Patriotism In a stunning display of liberal…

MAX CAVALERA Prays for A.I. Friendship Bracelets While Robots Plot World Domination
Breaking, Music News

MAX CAVALERA Prays for A.I. Friendship Bracelets While Robots Plot World Domination

Chord F. DiscordDecember 24, 2025December 24, 2025

Move Over, Mozart: Max Cavalera Declares War on Robot Rockers and AI-Generated “Soul” Music 🤖🎸 In a shocking turn of…

5 Things to Know for Dec. 24: Epstein Files, National Guard, Nursing Home Explosion, Student Loans, Weight Loss Drugs | CNN
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

5 Things to Know for Dec. 24: Epstein Files, National Guard, Nursing Home Explosion, Student Loans, Weight Loss Drugs | CNN

Big ElephantDecember 24, 2025December 24, 2025

Leftist Deep State Drops Another Batch of Epstein Files, and Guess Who’s Mentioned 47 Times? (Hint: It’s the Orange Man)…

‘Anaconda’ Review: A Horror of a Comedy That Slithered Into Your Brain
Breaking, Movie News

‘Anaconda’ Review: A Horror of a Comedy That Slithered Into Your Brain

FinnDecember 24, 2025December 24, 2025

🚨 BREAKING: Hollywood Officially Out of Ideas, Now Just Remaking Movies About Remaking Movies 🚨 In a stunning development that…

Suspect in National Guard Shooting Gets a Shiny New Federal Upgrade Package That Includes Death Penalty Perks
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Suspect in National Guard Shooting Gets a Shiny New Federal Upgrade Package That Includes Death Penalty Perks

Big ElephantDecember 24, 2025December 24, 2025

Another Day, Another Democrat-Backed National Guard Shooting: How Do You Like Your Sanctuary Cities Now? Another day, another Democrat-backed National…

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Latest posts

  • OMG 007 First Light Sells a Whopping 1.5 Million Copies in 24 Hours Because Who Needs a Social Life Anyway IOI Already Drooling Over Your Money for the First Content Update
  • ALICE COOPER Rips A.I to Shreds Because Apparently His Music Wasnt Robotic Enough Already
  • When the bassist insists on doing vocals too 🎤
  • Because You Clearly Need More Brunch and Day Parties in Your Life, DJ CLUE is Here to Save Sunday
  • Liberal Democrat’s sex scandal exposed, who’s surprised

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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