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Category: Breaking

The Best Christmas Movies for People Who Hate Christmas Movies
Breaking, Movie News

The Best Christmas Movies for People Who Hate Christmas Movies

FinnDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

🚨 BREAKING: A HOLIDAY MOVIE LIST FOR PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY HAVE A SOUL (OR AT LEAST A SENSE OF HUMOR)…

Kennedy Center Officially Renamed to Trump’s Ego Palace of Performing Arts
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Kennedy Center Officially Renamed to Trump’s Ego Palace of Performing Arts

Big ElephantDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

Trump Finally Fixes Another Liberal Disaster: Kennedy Center Gets a Much-Needed Dose of MAGA Greatness In a stunning move that…

James Cameron Finally Confirms Matt Damon Was Too Tall for Avatar: The Pandoran Truth Is Out
Breaking, Movie News

James Cameron Finally Confirms Matt Damon Was Too Tall for Avatar: The Pandoran Truth Is Out

FinnDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

🚨 BREAKING: James Cameron Drops the Mic on Matt Damon “Avatar” Drama, Claims Actor Was Never Actually Offered the Role…

Most Anticipated Games of 2026 (Hopefully They Won’t Release Them in 2027)
Breaking, Games News

Most Anticipated Games of 2026 (Hopefully They Won’t Release Them in 2027)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

The gaming industry is still breathing, folks! Shocking, right? After a year where we collectively lost our minds over sequels…

How Your Grandpa’s Brick-Sized Gizmo Became a Gaming God (and Your Battery’s Worst Nightmare)
Breaking, Games News

How Your Grandpa’s Brick-Sized Gizmo Became a Gaming God (and Your Battery’s Worst Nightmare)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

Once upon a time, mobile phones were just fancy walkie-talkies with better battery life—no one expected them to do anything…

Ark: Survival Ascended’s Lost Colony Expansion Drops Nukes in the Dino Park, Grab Your Lizard BFF and Go
Breaking, Games News

Ark: Survival Ascended’s Lost Colony Expansion Drops Nukes in the Dino Park, Grab Your Lizard BFF and Go

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

Survivalists, rejoice! Studio Wildcard has once again decided to bless us with a new expansion for Ark: Survival Ascended, the…

Why the US Is Trying to Cancel the Diversity Visa Lottery and Ruin Everyone’s Dream of Free Americans
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Why the US Is Trying to Cancel the Diversity Visa Lottery and Ruin Everyone’s Dream of Free Americans

Big ElephantDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

Another Diversity Visa “Diversity” Success Story: Brown University Shooting Suspect Was a DV1 Green Card Holder – Trump Acts Fast…

Listen: METALLICA’s JAMES HETFIELD Drops Heavy Metal Ornaments on ‘A Visit From St. Nicholas’
Breaking, Music News

Listen: METALLICA’s JAMES HETFIELD Drops Heavy Metal Ornaments on ‘A Visit From St. Nicholas’

Chord F. DiscordDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

James Hetfield vs. Santa Claus: The Epic Battle for Christmas Supremacy Begins Now (Spoiler: He Wins) 🎸🎅 In a move…

GHOST Teams Up With FEEDLA And SERVE ROBOTICS To Haunt Hungry Inglewood With Surprise Snacks
Breaking, Music News

GHOST Teams Up With FEEDLA And SERVE ROBOTICS To Haunt Hungry Inglewood With Surprise Snacks

Chord F. DiscordDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

Ghost’s Skele-Bot Delivers More Than Just Riffs in Inglewood Charity Stunt 🤖🍎 In a move that’s equal parts charitable and…

The 10 Most Underrated Movies of 2025 (Because Apparently No One Has Taste)
Breaking, Movie News

The 10 Most Underrated Movies of 2025 (Because Apparently No One Has Taste)

FinnDecember 18, 2025December 18, 2025

Based on the complete and utter financial train wreck that was this year’s box office, there are only two possible…

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Editorial
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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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