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Category: Breaking

Uncle Sam Finally Identifies the Guys Who Signed Up for Adventure but Got Ambushed in Syria Instead
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Uncle Sam Finally Identifies the Guys Who Signed Up for Adventure but Got Ambushed in Syria Instead

Big ElephantDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

The two US Army soldiers killed in Syria on Saturday were Sgt. Edgar Brian Torres Tovar, 25, of Des Moines,…

US Government Forms Tech Force to Recruit AI Wizards and Nerds
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

US Government Forms Tech Force to Recruit AI Wizards and Nerds

Big ElephantDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

Government’s Latest AI Initiative: Hiring Tech Bro’s to Fix the Bureaucracy In a stunning revelation, the Trump administration has launched…

The Reiners’ Kid Nick Gets a Mystery Felony Upgrade Right After Mom and Dad Checked Out
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

The Reiners’ Kid Nick Gets a Mystery Felony Upgrade Right After Mom and Dad Checked Out

Big ElephantDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

American Horror Story: Brentwood Edition – Another Hollywood Elite Dies Under Mysterious Circumstances, and the Plot Thickens! Well, well, well,…

FBI Interrupts California New Year’s Eve Bash by Arresting Four Guys With Poor Fireworks Plans
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

FBI Interrupts California New Year’s Eve Bash by Arresting Four Guys With Poor Fireworks Plans

Big ElephantDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

Leftist Eco-Terrorists Foiled in Bizarre New Year’s Eve Bomb Plot Because of Their Oppressive Signal App In another stunning victory…

Bob Odenkirk Gets Weird in Ben Wheatley’s So-Called ‘Normal’ (Spoiler: It’s Not
Breaking, Movie News

Bob Odenkirk Gets Weird in Ben Wheatley’s So-Called ‘Normal’ (Spoiler: It’s Not

FinnDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

🚨BREAKING: Bob Odenkirk, the man who once played a lawyer so morally compromised he made used car salesmen look like…

Stranger Things 5 – Volume 2 Trailer Drops and the Kids Haven’t Grown Up Yet
Breaking, Movie News

Stranger Things 5 – Volume 2 Trailer Drops and the Kids Haven’t Grown Up Yet

FinnDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

🚨 BREAKING NEWS: The World Might End on Boxing Day, So Cancel Your Sales! 🚨 In a shocking turn of…

How Rob Reiner Accidentally Invented Movies and Then Refused to Stop
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

How Rob Reiner Accidentally Invented Movies and Then Refused to Stop

Big ElephantDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

The Hollywood propaganda machine just lost one of its biggest liars! Rob Reiner, the director who made some of the…

Rainbow Six Siege Devs Survived a Decade and Still Haven’t Fixed That One Glitch You Hate
Breaking, Games News

Rainbow Six Siege Devs Survived a Decade and Still Haven’t Fixed That One Glitch You Hate

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

When Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six Siege launched a decade ago, nobody expected it to outlive its launch trailer, let alone…

Rob Reiner and His Wife Dead: Director’s Tragic End in Hilarious Yet Morbid Turn of Events
Breaking, Movie News

Rob Reiner and His Wife Dead: Director’s Tragic End in Hilarious Yet Morbid Turn of Events

Chord F. DiscordDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

And now for the news that’s rocking Hollywood harder than a Spinal Tap drum solo — Rob Reiner, the man…

SLAYER Band Biography By D.X. Ferris Finally Deafens Your Ears As An Audiobook
Breaking, Music News

SLAYER Band Biography By D.X. Ferris Finally Deafens Your Ears As An Audiobook

Chord F. DiscordDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

Move over, history books and science textbooks—there’s a new educational powerhouse in town, and it’s screaming at you in double-blast-beat…

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Latest posts

  • ‘Disclosure Day’ Causes Audiences To Question Their Faith In Steven Spielberg
  • King Solomon Admits He May Have Plagiarized ‘Nothing New Under The Sun’
  • COAL CHAMBER Drummer MIKEY COX Because One Cancer Surgery Just Wasn’t Enough Apparently
  • Finally, America’s great again, consumer sentiment somehow magically rises
  • ‘What Is A World Cup?’ Googles America

Editorial
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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
June 2026
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