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Category: Breaking

Games Done Quick Somehow Manages To Not Fall Asleep At gamescom 2026 While Watching Speedrunners Play The Same Old Games For The Millionth Time
Breaking, Games News

Games Done Quick Somehow Manages To Not Fall Asleep At gamescom 2026 While Watching Speedrunners Play The Same Old Games For The Millionth Time

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 3, 2026May 3, 2026

Big news, gamers! 🚨👀 Games Done Quick is finally coming to gamescom in Germany, because who doesn’t love a good…

Ex METALLICA Bassist JASON NEWSTED Finally Finds Something More Painful Than Listening To LULU
Breaking, Music News

Ex METALLICA Bassist JASON NEWSTED Finally Finds Something More Painful Than Listening To LULU

Chord F. DiscordMay 3, 2026May 3, 2026

Breaking news, folks! 🚨😱 Former METALLICA bassist Jason Newsted has just announced that he’s been battling throat cancer, and we’re…

Breaking News: Super Extra Special Never Before Seen Totally Not Made Up 5 Hour Directors Cut of Gremlins Accidentally Leaks and Its 3 Hours Longer Than That Other Thing You Saw
Breaking, Movie News

Breaking News: Super Extra Special Never Before Seen Totally Not Made Up 5 Hour Directors Cut of Gremlins Accidentally Leaks and Its 3 Hours Longer Than That Other Thing You Saw

FinnMay 3, 2026May 3, 2026

The secret’s out, folks! 🤫 A never-before-seen, 2-and-a-half-hour cut of Gremlins, yes, you read that right, 2.5 hours of gremlin…

Breaking News: Slayer’s Tom Araya Trades In His Mic For A Checkered Flag And Is Now Officially The Coolest Guy At The Würth 400 In Texas Because Who Needs To Headbang When You Can Rev Engines
Breaking, Music News

Breaking News: Slayer’s Tom Araya Trades In His Mic For A Checkered Flag And Is Now Officially The Coolest Guy At The Würth 400 In Texas Because Who Needs To Headbang When You Can Rev Engines

Chord F. DiscordMay 3, 2026May 3, 2026

Big news, folks! 🚨👀 Tom Araya, the legendary lead vocalist and bassist of the iconic thrash metal band SLAYER, has…

California elitist buys governor seat with tech billionaire cash
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

California elitist buys governor seat with tech billionaire cash

Big ElephantMay 3, 2026May 3, 2026

In a shocking turn of events, the rest of the world has finally caught on to the fact that America…

Fake news caught lying about Trump again obviously
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Fake news caught lying about Trump again obviously

Big ElephantMay 3, 2026May 3, 2026

The so-called “experts” are at it again, trying to besmirch the good name of our great President Donald Trump, who…

Deep state witch hunt targets great Fed Chair Powell obviously
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Deep state witch hunt targets great Fed Chair Powell obviously

Big ElephantMay 3, 2026May 3, 2026

It’s absolutely hilarious that the so-called “fake news” media is still trying to spin their ridiculous narratives about our great…

Wow what a huge accomplishment for some rich liberal guy
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Wow what a huge accomplishment for some rich liberal guy

Big ElephantMay 2, 2026May 2, 2026

It’s a beautiful day in America, folks, and I’m thrilled to be writing about the latest nonsense from the liberal…

Greta Gerwig’s ‘Narnia’ Because You Clearly Weren’t Bored Enough Already Gets Delayed to 2027
Breaking, Movie News

Greta Gerwig’s ‘Narnia’ Because You Clearly Weren’t Bored Enough Already Gets Delayed to 2027

FinnMay 2, 2026May 2, 2026

Oh boy, get ready for the most epic news ever! 🎉 Greta Gerwig’s follow-up to Barbie is going to take…

MagicCon Las Vegas 2026: Where Middle Earth Meets Midlife Crisis and the Only Reality Fracture is Your Sanity After Waiting in Line for the Bathroom
Breaking, Events

MagicCon Las Vegas 2026: Where Middle Earth Meets Midlife Crisis and the Only Reality Fracture is Your Sanity After Waiting in Line for the Bathroom

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 2, 2026May 2, 2026

Get ready for the most epic MagicCon Las Vegas ever! 🎉👏 Wizards of the Coast just dropped a ton of…

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Latest posts

  • Jill Biden Believed Husband Was Having Stroke During Presidential Debate
  • Trump’s doc says get moving fatty but he’s totally fine naturally
  • Liberal Erin Brockovich suddenly cares about America’s tech progress somehow
  • Life Coaching for the Hopelessly Lost and Clueless People
  • Get Ready for Another Overpriced Wellness Fad Inner Wisdom Labyrinth Coming to Totally Not Rip You Off This Summer

Editorial
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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
May 2026
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