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Category: Breaking

Diana Ross Totally Not Bitter About Being Left Out of the Michael Jackson Biopic or Anything
Breaking, Movie News

Diana Ross Totally Not Bitter About Being Left Out of the Michael Jackson Biopic or Anything

FinnApril 24, 2026April 24, 2026

The drama, the excitement, the utter chaos that is the Michael Jackson biopic! 🎬👀 It’s like a never-ending soap opera,…

Fake news slams Trump’s genius Spirit Airlines bailout plan obviously
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Fake news slams Trump’s genius Spirit Airlines bailout plan obviously

Big ElephantApril 24, 2026April 24, 2026

The so-called “experts” are at it again, trying to tell us that our great President Donald Trump’s decisions are somehow…

UNDERRATED Death Metal Band UNDEATH Finally Gets Noticed by Someone and Signs with RELAPSE RECORDS Because Nobody Else Would Take Them
Breaking, Music News

UNDERRATED Death Metal Band UNDEATH Finally Gets Noticed by Someone and Signs with RELAPSE RECORDS Because Nobody Else Would Take Them

Chord F. DiscordApril 23, 2026April 23, 2026

Oh great, another super cool and totally not annoying death metal band has signed with a record label 🤘🎸. I…

CLUELESS Sequel Series Abruptly Cancelled Because Nobody Was Actually Clueless About How Bad The Idea Was
Breaking, Movie News

CLUELESS Sequel Series Abruptly Cancelled Because Nobody Was Actually Clueless About How Bad The Idea Was

FinnApril 23, 2026April 23, 2026

Breaking news, folks: the Clueless sequel series that no one really asked for is not happening at Peacock 🙅‍♀️. I…

RAMONES To Waste Entire Year Reliving Glory Days With Overly Long And Probably Totally Unnecessary 50th Anniversary Party For Their Debut Album Because Let’s Face It They’re Not Getting Any Younger
Breaking, Music News

RAMONES To Waste Entire Year Reliving Glory Days With Overly Long And Probably Totally Unnecessary 50th Anniversary Party For Their Debut Album Because Let’s Face It They’re Not Getting Any Younger

Chord F. DiscordApril 23, 2026April 23, 2026

The Ramones are still a thing, apparently, and people are still talking about them 50 years later 🎸🔥. Like, who…

Pokémon TCG Pocket Just Got a Whole Lot More Obnoxiously Overpowered With the Most Insane Strong Mega Evolutions That Will Totally Ruin the Game for Everyone Else
Breaking, Games News

Pokémon TCG Pocket Just Got a Whole Lot More Obnoxiously Overpowered With the Most Insane Strong Mega Evolutions That Will Totally Ruin the Game for Everyone Else

Pixel P. SnarkbyteApril 23, 2026April 23, 2026

The Pokémon Company has finally decided to bless us with another expansion to the Pokémon TCG Pocket card database, because…

Liberal media exploiting dead kids for gun control again
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Liberal media exploiting dead kids for gun control again

Big ElephantApril 23, 2026April 23, 2026

Oh joy, oh rapture, it’s a beautiful day in America, folks! Our great nation is thriving under the magnificent leadership…

Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag Resynced Because You Clearly Didn’t Buy It Enough Times Already Announcement Thingy With a Launch Date That You’ll Probably Forget
Breaking, Games News

Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag Resynced Because You Clearly Didn’t Buy It Enough Times Already Announcement Thingy With a Launch Date That You’ll Probably Forget

Pixel P. SnarkbyteApril 23, 2026April 23, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some pirate-themed fun 🏴‍☠️? Because Ubisoft just announced Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag Resynced,…

Get Ready for the Most Epic Battle Between He-Man and His Ego in the New Trailer!
Breaking, Movie News

Get Ready for the Most Epic Battle Between He-Man and His Ego in the New Trailer!

FinnApril 23, 2026April 23, 2026

The most epic, life-changing, and awe-inspiring news has just been announced: a new Masters of the Universe movie is coming,…

DARKEST HOUR Still Trying To Make It Big After All These Years To Begin Recording 11th Studio Album With Producer MARK LEWIS In May Because 10 Wasnt Enough
Breaking News: DARKEST HOUR to Release New Album, World Still Spinning 🌎🎸
Breaking, Music News

DARKEST HOUR Still Trying To Make It Big After All These Years To Begin Recording 11th Studio Album With Producer MARK LEWIS In May Because 10 Wasnt Enough

Chord F. DiscordApril 23, 2026April 23, 2026

In a shocking turn of events, Washington D.C. metallers DARKEST HOUR have announced that they will be entering the studio…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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