Ozzy “The Prince of Darkness (Maybe Just of a Recliner Now)” Osbourne Vows to *Try* at His Last Gig, But No Promises on Standing Up 🧎♂️🤘👵
Oh, bless his little bat-eating heart! 🦇 Ozzy Osbourne, bless him, says he’ll “do the best” he can at his…
Category: Breaking
OMG, Green Day gets a participation trophy 🌟 on the Hollywood Walk of Fame – guess anyone can be a “star” these days 🙄
OMG! 🙄 Green Day, those purveyors of slightly-more-than-mediocre punk-ish anthems, FINALLY got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame!…
Yeehaw! Saddle up for a totally objective and definitely not rage-baiting list of country music’s biggest hat-wearers from the last quarter-century! 🤠🎤🚜
Behold, peasants! Gather ’round and witness the definitive, unimpeachably correct, and utterly objective list of the 26 “Most Important” Country…
Lemmy gets another statue in Stoke-On-Trent because one wasn’t nearly metal enough 🤘😂
Oh my gawd, you guize! 😱 They’re actually doing it! They’re building a monument to Lemmy in Stoke-on-Trent. Stoke-on-freaking-Trent! 🤣…
Tom Angelripper takes a break from touring to finally learn how to parallel park 🚗 and maybe knit a cozy little pentagram 🧶
OH. MY. SODOM. 😱 Angelripper, the thrash metal overlord, has decided that headbanging is for *peasants* and airports are, like,…
Étoile? More like E-TOILET🚽… prepare for a dump of opinions!
So, ‘Étoile’ Season 1 gets a whopping 7.5 out of 10 stars, huh? 🙄 Must be groundbreaking television. I mean,…
The Sword, bless their hearts, are dusting off “Warp Riders” for a 15th-anniversary tour, because apparently time (and riffs) forgot that album existed 🤷♂️🎸🚀
Behold, the geriatric Texan riff-lords, THE SWORD, have dusted off their amplifiers and emerged from whatever retirement home they were…
Igor Cavalera Claims Brazilian Metalheads Were Just Trolling Grandma With Satanic Stuff 🤘😂👵
OMG! 😱 Iggor Cavalera, the dude who used to hit things in Sepultura (before they became, like, *totally* irrelevant), just…
“No Rest for the Wicked” devs claim their “Breach Update” is totally new, but really it’s just more of the same, amirite? 🙄😂🔥
Alright gamers, listen up! No Rest for the Wicked, that game that’s trying to be Dark Souls but also Diablo…
Bruce Dickinson 👴🏻 Still at it? 🎤🎸 18 Songs of flight ✈️ (delayed ‘Til 2026 🗓️, Obviously 🙄).
So, Bruce Dickinson, AKA the air raid siren from IRON MAIDEN (the band your dad probably listens to), decided to…