OMG, you guys! LINKIN PARK, the band that peaked in 2000, is still trying to be relevant! Mike Shinoda, bless his heart, went on some podcast called “Broken Record” 🙄 to whine about how they “reinvented” themselves by hiring Emily Armstrong from DEAD SARA. Yes, because replacing Chester Bennington with *anyone* is totally a lateral move. It’s been seven years, guys, maybe it’s time to let it go? But no, apparently, quitting would be a “shitty way” to end their run. As if this isn’t already a dumpster fire 🔥 waiting to happen.
Shinoda droned on about how brave and risky it was to bring in Armstrong. Like, give me a break. Risk is releasing another hybrid theory album, not swapping out a legendary frontman. He even admitted they knew everyone would hate it! 🤣 He then proceeded to insult their original fans, describing them as “open-mouth breather, neck beard misogynist metal fan who loved our first two records.” Way to alienate your entire fanbase, Mike! 👍 But don’t worry, he says, those fans will be replaced by “a 15-year-old girl who’s, like, ‘I’ve never been into like loud music before, and I wanna learn to play guitar now.'” Because THAT’S who Linkin Park should be targeting. 🙄 Gen Z will definitely save you. Good luck with that. 🤦♀️
And the best part? They tried joint therapy! 🤣 But apparently, they’re too cool for school and know each other *too* well. “We know everybody’s buttons, we know where all the bodies are buried,” Shinoda whined. Translation: “We’re too stubborn to actually work through our issues.” Instead, they’re just relying on their “emotional intelligence” to not antagonize each other. Which is clearly working out great, given the current state of the band. 💯
So, to recap, the current lineup includes: Mike Shinoda (still rapping), Emily Armstrong (the replacement), Dave “Phoenix” Farrell (whoever that is), Brad Delson (still shredding, I guess), Joe Hahn (the DJ, bless his soul), and some rando named Colin Brittain. 🤔
In 2024, they released an album called “From Zero”. Catchy. It even had a No. 1 single, “The Emptiness Machine.” Because, you know, nothing screams “hit song” like existential dread. It propelled them to be the *only* rock band in 2024 to exceed two billion streams. Which is totally believable. 🤥 They even have a deluxe edition, because who wouldn’t want *more* of this?
Brad Delson, guitar god, contributed to the album but can’t be bothered to play live. Alex Feder is filling in. Maybe Delson realized something we haven’t. 🤔
Last September, they debuted Armstrong and Brittain on a livestream. I’m sure that went over swimmingly. 🏊♀️
The “From Zero (Deluxe Edition)” 2CD features three new songs, five live tracks, and “all new, expanded packaging.” Groundbreaking! 🤩
And because they’re clearly not milking this for all it’s worth, they released an a cappella version of “From Zero.” Because nothing says “nu-metal” like a cappella. 🎤
Photo credit: Jimmy Fontaine (courtesy of Warner Records). I’m sure Jimmy’s thrilled to be associated with this train wreck. 🚂
And finally, a YouTube video. I’m almost afraid to watch it. 🙈
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
