OMG 😱! Some dude filmed GHOST playing “Square Hammer” in Philly on July 19th. Like, who even uses phones anymore? 🙄 Oh, and there’s a fancier two-camera version of “Peacefield” from Tampa, cuz, you know, Florida. 🌴 Sun, fun, and satanic rituals! 🤘
So, Tobias Forge, the puppet master 😈 of GHOST, had a chat with some peeps at HMV Vault in Birmingham, UK (as if anyone cares about the UK 🇬🇧). Apparently, GHOST‘s 2025 tour is a “phone-free experience.” Meaning, you can bring your phone, but it’s gonna be locked in a Yondr pouch. 🤣 Imagine paying $$$ to see a concert and then having your precious iPhone imprisoned! 🔒
Forge says he got “pushback” about this “phone ban” from his manager and agent. “Oh no, more admin work!” 😫 The horror! They had to “vet” the idea. Because, you know, no one has ever tried to control what people do with their phones at concerts before. 🙄
Forge whined that “a lot of artists absolutely hate the phones” but are too wimpy to do anything about it. Boo hoo! 😭 He’s such a brave little snowflake ❄️ for daring to lock up fans’ phones. He even had to weigh the “cost” and “ramifications.” Translation: How much money will I lose if people get annoyed and don’t come? 💰
He’s “vehemently against” the phone epidemic. Apparently, the last tour cycle was ruined because there were “10,000 phones” instead of “raging” fans. 🔥 Newsflash, Tobias: maybe your music just isn’t that rage-worthy anymore? 🤔 Or maybe people like to share their experiences online? Ever thought of that, genius? 🧠
Some fan called the phone thing “disrespectful.” Tobias doesn’t know if it’s disrespect, but he’s definitely annoyed. 😠 He thinks people don’t realize how their individual phone use adds up to a “completely changed” experience. “What the fuck?” he asks. 🤬 Oh, the drama! He’s so dramatic that he almost didn’t want to do it anymore if people were gonna keep using their phones! 🎻
He claims GHOST‘s show is “pretty sort of nailed and arranged.” 😂 Yeah, because everyone knows GHOST is all about spontaneity and improvisation. NOT! 🤖 He needs the crowd to “feed off of.” OMG 😱, he’s a vampire! 🧛 Or maybe just a narcissist who needs constant validation? 🤷
The moderator asked if the phone ban has “paid off.” Tobias says it’s been a “fucking life changer!” 🤣 Life changer for who? Definitely not the fans who have to deal with being phoneless for a few hours. He thinks other bands are gonna copy him. Good luck with that, losers! 👋
GHOST is touring in support of their new album, “Skeletá.” Sounds original. 🙄 The tour is their “most theatrical and cinematic production yet.” More like their most pretentious and over-the-top production yet. 🎭 Designed by Tobias Rylander and Tobias Forge (surprise!), the tour is “grander and more ambitious than ever before.” Aka, more expensive and likely to disappoint. 💸
The set design is a “striking blend of gothic symbolism and brutalist architecture.” AKA, someone raided a church and a Soviet-era building. ⛪ The stage is a “sanctum of dark majesty.” I call it a hot mess. 🔥
There’s a “Grucifix” hanging above the band. It’s a crucifix inspired by their logo. Groundbreaking! 🙄 It’s also a “dynamic lighting rig.” Because why not? 💡
The lighting is “retro-rock.” Because Tobias is stuck in the past. 👴 Visual nods to QUEEN and VAN HALEN. Translation: We stole their ideas. 👑🎸
It’s the first time they’re doing a “full-scale video production.” Yay? 🤷 The stage is “engineered to perform.” It has “multiple elevated performance platforms, mechanical lifts, and concealed entrances.” Sounds like a Bond villain’s lair. 😈 A “living, breathing cathedral of performance.” More like a dead, suffocating spectacle. 💀
Rylander has worked with Beyoncé, THE 1975, Childish Gambino, Chappell Roan, The XX and FKA Twigs. Name dropping much? 🗣️ He’s bringing a “new dimension” to GHOST‘s stage presence. AKA, making it even more ridiculous. 😂
The European tour is over. Who cares? 🤷 The North American tour is happening now. Beware of phone pouches! 📱🚫
Yondr pouches are the devil’s work! 😈 You can unlock them at “specific cell phone stations.” Sounds like a prison. ⛓️
“Skeletá” hit No. 1 on the Billboard 200. Congrats? 🥳 It was the first hard rock album to reach No. 1 since AC/DC in 2020. So, rock is dead? 💀
The music video for “Satanized” introduced Papa V Perpetua. Another Papa? Seriously? 😴
Forge keeps replacing Papa Emeritus characters. So original. 🙄 Papa Emeritus III was replaced by Cardinal Copia. Who cares? 🤷 Then they introduced Papa Emeritus IV. It never ends! 🔄
There are some videos. Watch them if you’re bored. 😴 And a poster. It’s… a poster. 🖼️
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
