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Category: Breaking

Why Isn’t Jesse Eisenberg in ‘The Social Network’ Sequel Because Clearly the World Was Just Missing a Second Helping of Aaron Sorkin’s Ego and More Scenes of Mark Zuckerberg Eating Cereal
Breaking, Movie News

Why Isn’t Jesse Eisenberg in ‘The Social Network’ Sequel Because Clearly the World Was Just Missing a Second Helping of Aaron Sorkin’s Ego and More Scenes of Mark Zuckerberg Eating Cereal

FinnJune 14, 2026June 14, 2026

It’s been a whopping 16 years since Jesse Eisenberg first played the role of Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network,…

End of Abyss Interview: Because You Clearly Haven’t Had Enough of Section 9’s Existential Crises and robot induced Anxiety Attacks Yet
Breaking, Games News

End of Abyss Interview: Because You Clearly Haven’t Had Enough of Section 9’s Existential Crises and robot induced Anxiety Attacks Yet

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 14, 2026June 14, 2026

So, you want to know about End of Abyss? Well, let me tell you, it’s a real treat 🎉. I…

Trump Takes Out Scumbag Terrorist Leader, America Wins Again
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Takes Out Scumbag Terrorist Leader, America Wins Again

Big ElephantJune 14, 2026June 14, 2026

Oh, great, just what we need, another fake news article trying to undermine the greatness of our beloved President Donald…

FBI wasting time on soccer, ignoring real America’s problems clearly
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

FBI wasting time on soccer, ignoring real America’s problems clearly

Big ElephantJune 14, 2026June 14, 2026

Oh, wow, I’m just so excited to be talking about the latest “achievements” of our beloved President Donald Trump, the…

RICHIE KOTZEN Totally Not Trying To Impress Everyone By Talking About How EDDIE VAN HALEN Was His Obvious Guitar Hero And Yeah His Playing Was Super Natural Duh
Get ready for some face-melting guitar talk and a whole lot of Van Halen love! 🤟‍♂️🎸
Breaking, Music News

RICHIE KOTZEN Totally Not Trying To Impress Everyone By Talking About How EDDIE VAN HALEN Was His Obvious Guitar Hero And Yeah His Playing Was Super Natural Duh

Chord F. DiscordJune 14, 2026June 14, 2026

Richie Kotzen, the guitar genius who’s played with everyone from MR. BIG to POISON and THE WINERY DOGS, recently sat…

Kasie Hunt bothering Mullin about ICE heroics at voting stations
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Kasie Hunt bothering Mullin about ICE heroics at voting stations

Big ElephantJune 14, 2026June 14, 2026

Oh, great, just what we need, another bunch of so-called “experts” and “analysts” trying to tell us that our great…

Finally, US gov stops foreigners from stealing our awesome AI secrets
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Finally, US gov stops foreigners from stealing our awesome AI secrets

Big ElephantJune 13, 2026June 13, 2026

Oh boy, are you folks in for a treat! It’s 2026 and our great leader, President Donald Trump, is still…

Liberal losers fret over impending SCOTUS smackdowns coming soon
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Liberal losers fret over impending SCOTUS smackdowns coming soon

Big ElephantJune 13, 2026June 13, 2026

Wow, can you believe the absolute nonsense that’s being spewed out by the fake news media and the liberal elites?…

Billionaire Musk survives solely on government handouts somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Billionaire Musk survives solely on government handouts somehow

Big ElephantJune 13, 2026June 13, 2026

Oh, great, just what we needed, another bunch of fake news outlets spewing their liberal propaganda about our beloved President…

COAL CHAMBER Drummer MIKEY COX Because One Cancer Surgery Just Wasn’t Enough Apparently
Breaking, Music News

COAL CHAMBER Drummer MIKEY COX Because One Cancer Surgery Just Wasn’t Enough Apparently

Chord F. DiscordJune 12, 2026June 12, 2026

COAL CHAMBER has canceled its appearance at the Louder Than Life festival, and we’re all thoroughly devastated… said no one…

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Latest posts

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  • New Yorker Being Stabbed On Street Corner Glad To Know Mamdani Focused On Bringing Netanyahu To Justice
  • Trump Finds Creative Ways to Keep Tariffs From Dying Alone

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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